


Love Like Fools

by blahblahblah97



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Future, Astonishing X-Men References, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kitty is confused, Love, Mindfuck, Post-X-Men: Days of Future Past, Unrequited Love, X-Men Evolution References, X-Men: Days of Future Past Fix-it, X-Men: Days of Future Past Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-12 18:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9084547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blahblahblah97/pseuds/blahblahblah97
Summary: This was a story up on my Fanfiction account written 2014-2015. Peter loves Kitty who loves Peter and Bobby and Bobby loves Rogue but he kind of loved Kitty too. Confused yet? So is Kitty. She's starting to remember her feelings and memories from the future that never happened, and forgetting her new future- which means forgetting she loves Peter. Together they go through the trials and tribulations of falling in love- over and over.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SUMMARY:  
> Peter loves Kitty who loves Peter and Bobby and Bobby loves Rogue but he kind of loved Kitty too.  
> Confused yet?  
> So is Kitty.  
> She’s starting to remember her feelings and memories from the future that never happened, and forgetting her new future- which means forgetting she loves Peter. He has to make her fall in love with him every time she forgets- but he can’t make her love him. And after everything that happened in other future- is she even the same girl?
> 
> Hey everyone! This is a story I had published on my Fanfiction account written 2014-2015. I'm publishing it here too because it's a ship no one seems to talk about on Fanfiction and I figured that my babies might get more love over here.  
> This story is basically me being indignant that Kitty didn’t have the role she deserved and trying to meld together comic book canon and the events of the movie.  
> Plus I adore Kitty and Peter in the comics- oh the pain- and there was maybe two seconds in the movie where they’re teaching together and it sparked all this off!  
> Plus we needed a bit of Bobby action because we all know I love Shawn Ashmore.  
> So basically this story is a mixture of Days of Future Past- The Movie, elements of the comic, relationships and characterisation from Astonishing X-Men (primarily Whedon and Cassaday’s run in 2005) and some fighting styles and characterisation and friendships from X-Men: Evolution, just for kicks.  
> Flashback scenes are generally set between X-Men 2 and X-Men: The Last Stand, and just after.  
> To go along with the nature of the storyline- there are lots of snippets throughout, to go along with Kitty’s scrambled mind-set and lack of stability in her future. So basically there’s quite a bit of jumping back and forth, time wise.  
> If you have any questions throughout please feel free to leave them in a review, I’ll try and answer them as best I can!
> 
> It'll be updated twice a week- Tuesday and Friday, probably, that may change and if it does I'll let you know!  
> I hope you enjoy. :)

“Kitty?” he calls, and that voice is familiar, but not the same. Hands that once held yours hold hers, and the voice that once spoke your name like a prayer  
‘Kitty,’  
Now speaks hers  
‘Rogue.’  
People that you know and love are here-Scott, Jean-and they shouldn’t be, because they’re dead.  
And you should be too. All of you, every last person living in the mansion should be dead.  
You’re living in a mansion full of ghosts.  
No one else knows what it was like. No one else remembers but Logan. But he’s different from you, Logan. Adaptable. He remembered everything at once but you? You’re remembering in bits and pieces. Fragments. You were fine at first, waking up every day, teaching your class, like everything was fine.  
Until it wasn’t. 

You wake up one day stretching, it’s cold, but not as cold as it should be. It’s light, too light in this room and it’s natural, not the artificial light your group have been used to for years. You frown, your eyes starting to open but arms wrap themselves around you, and you sigh, snuggling back into them.  
You realise too late that the arms holding you are bigger than they should be. “What the-” You turn your head to catch a glimpse, and you freeze so much that you disappear, phasing down through the bed and the floor underneath, to behind a sofa in the games room. You’re wide awake now, and distinctly aware that you are very, very naked. “Shit!” you whisper, and grab the blanket from the back of the sofa, ignoring the alarmed look from one of the kids who is watching the really late night-or early morning-TV. Sprinting up the stairs, heart pounding, you pray that no one will find you.  
Your heart stops when you realise where you are.

“No,” you whisper, shaking your head. “This place…it’s gone. It was burnt to the ground, ripped apart!” you splutter to yourself, spinning around, taking in the vast halls and pictures, and the students and teachers behind the doors.  
Alive.  
Breathing.  
You squeeze your eyes shut against all the voices in your head-but that’s never been your power, has it?-and takes the last few steps to the door that is your room.  
How do you know it’s your room?

The door opens, and he’s on the other side. At least he had the decency to put some bottoms on. “Are you alright?” he asks, concern laced through his voice. He reaches for you, and you stumble back. “What are you doing here? What are you doing in my room?”  
“Kitty-”  
“Did you-did you crash here last night? Get drunk and pass out?” you ask desperately, and he shakes his head, confusion evident. “Did you hit your head when you phased?” he asks, once again reaching for you.  
“Stop!” you demand, heart pounding. “Where is he?”  
“Where is who? Kitty, are you ok-”  
“Where’s Bobby?” you interrupt, eyes wild, flitting everywhere but refusing to meet his, refusing to acknowledge who he is, and that you were in the same bed. Oh God, Bobby….this will break his heart. Finally you build up the courage, and straighten to your full height. It’s nowhere near his, not by a long shot, he has over a foot on you, but he seems to tell by your expression that you’re being serious, and he flinches. “Peter. Where is Bobby?” He meets your eyes, searching for something. Recognition, maybe, but Peter doesn’t find what he’s looking for. He swallows and answers evenly. “With Rogue.”

 

Your head is spinning and you want to tell him that Rogue is dead but that would be too cruel. “What is going on,” you murmur, and Peter advances again, slowly this time, his hands up in surrender in front of him. He’s approaching you like you’re a wild animal, or one he had to herd like he did on his father’s farm in Russia.  
How do you know that?  
He never told you about a farm.  
“A farm?” he repeats, confused, and you realise that you were speaking out loud. “Kitty,” Peter says slowly, “You’re freezing. Come inside, get dressed, and then we’ll talk, okay?” You’re backed up against a wall, but you realise he’s right. You straighten, and don’t even bother with the door, instead phasing through the wall, all too aware of Peter's eyes on you. You look around the room, some things look familiar, but it’s more like déjà vu as you walk around the room, scanning the pictures, running your hands over the faces in them. “Jean?” you breathe softly, and Peter hesitantly fully enters the room, pointedly leaving the door open. “Yeah, Jean. What’s wrong with you, Kitty? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

That’s because you have.  
You’re surrounded by them.  
Without another word, you turn on your heel and start rummaging through the drawers, slamming them in frustration when you don’t find what you’re looking for. Silently, Peter reaches past you to another set of drawers and pulls out clothes that look closer to your size and hands them over. It’s only when you put them on-after he directs you to your underwear drawer, and you’re not sure who’s more red in the face and embarrassed-that you realise that they’re yours. “These-these are mine?” you croak, and Peter’s face crumples.  
“Do you-do you really not remember?”  
Helplessly, you shake your head. “Remember what, Colossus?”  
He draws in a sharp breath. “You never call me that.”

Well you wouldn’t know, would you.  
“There has to be a logical explanation for this,” you murmur, and he furrows his brows.  
“Logical explanation to what?” he asks, and you hesitate.  
“Why most of the people in this mansion should be dead, but they aren’t.”  
Peter looks at you, and you know he wonders if you’re crazy.  
You’re wondering if you’re crazy too.  
“Please, Peter. Help me,” you plead desperately. He cocks his head to the side and nods.  
“Alright,” he says finally, “we’ll go to the Professor.”

X.x.X.  
“Peter, Kitty,” the Professor greets from behind his large desk, and you look around the room intently, looking for signs of change since you last saw it so many years ago. There are more pictures, with more people and students that you don’t recognise and shouldn’t be here. “Don’t you have a class to teach?” he asks dryly. You look at him in surprise, and out of the corner of your eye Peter looks sheepish. “Teach?” you laugh, “I don’t teach. I’m barely out of here as a student.” The Professor starts to laugh along with the joke until he sees your face and frowns. “Kitty?”

You shrug your shoulders helplessly, feeling simultaneously like your head is so full it’ll explode and that you’ve been in the dark for years and know nothing. You can feel The Professor poking around your head like a smooth embrace-you trust him. He’ll know what to do- when his eyes widen and he stares at you. “Oh you poor girl….sit down.”  
It’s then you know it’s going to be complicated.  
He sends a message to Storm to get her to either find someone to take over their class, or cancel it, because you all know this could take a while.  
“Professor, what is happening?” you ask, unable to take it anymore. He stays silent, staring at you, his head occasionally moving back and forth-  
You’ve done the impossible.  
You’ve stumped Professor.

“From what I can gleam, it wouldn’t appear that you are remembering everything.”  
“Remembering everything from what?” you demand, and Peter puts a hand on your arm and you flinch away. “What is happening to me?”  
The Professor smiles at you sadly. “The Days of Future Past.”  
You sit there for what feels like hours, bouncing ideas and theories, guesses and facts-not that there are many of those, nothing feels solid anymore- between you, until you come up with what seems like the most likely idea.  
“Okay,” you say slowly, your head spinning from all the information new and old-it seems like you have a whole new history to learn- dancing around your head. “So we can only think that because I was the link and the bridge passing people from past to the future I….retained some of the knowledge of the future that never happened?”

“That’s only an assumption Kitty, but yes.”  
“What I don’t understand,” Peter piped up, something that rarely happened just this meeting. When he did, he always had something interesting or useful to consider. “Is why these memories are only coming back now? From the sound of it, you’ve been transported back here for a while now. And how come Logan isn’t back yet?”  
You frown and look out the window, to see flecks of white snow floating through the sky. “Snow,” you say softly, the cogs whirring. “It was snowing the day it happened. We’d just moved location.”  
“As for Logan….we shall see in time,” The Professor said eventually.  
“I did this every time we came under attack from the Sentinels with Bishop,” you ignore the pang when you realise they don’t know who Bishop is, “and I never had this problem.”  
“Have you ever stretched someone back years, decades?” he asked gently, and you shake your head.

“The person you send back may have their mind stretched, but you have your power stretched. These…memories,” it kills Peter to call them that, you can see it in his eyes, “are like the aftershock of your powers being stretched so far.”  
“Like a rubber band,” you muse.  
“Exactly,” he smiles at you, and you can see how he’s a teacher.  
It doesn’t change the fact that you have no recollection of the memories you apparently share.  
Your brow furrows and you feel a migraine coming on. “The question is…while I’m living in this future, which memories will I have? Will I have these memories and then remember flashes of my own? Or vice versa?”

“These are your memories,” Peter said suddenly. “This is your life.”  
“No it isn’t,” you snap at him, “I don’t have these memories. I don’t know this future. I don’t know you.” Peter recoils like you’ve hit him, and The Professor says  
“Kitty,” so sharply that you know you’ve went too far. You slump back in your chair, and not for the first time today do you think that the Sentinels would be a kinder fate.  
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, suddenly feeling very tired.  
Peter smiles weakly at you. “It’s all right. You don’t…you don’t know.” 

You feel bad and a small part of you wants to reach out to him, but for the most part-while you’ve known him the entire time you’ve been at Xavier’s- you don’t know him. Not really. He’s just always been there- a comrade, a team mate, a fellow apocalypse survivor. A steady rock for people to rely on, quiet, calm, the gentle giant. But to him you’re something more- something you can’t be.  
You don’t know him.  
You don’t know this life.  
You don’t know him.  
A part of you wish you did though.  
A small part of you that you don’t recognise.

You can see the Professor watching you intently, and you’re embarrassed, all of a sudden, and he is too. He looks away to some papers on his desk, but you can practically see the thoughts travelling around his head at a million miles a minute.  
You know how he feels.  
“What…” you start hesitantly, and both the Professor and Peter look up at you, “what do I teach?”  
Peter grimaced. “Physics.”  
You laugh. “Don’t sound so excited about that. You sound like you hate it.”  
“It’s not my favourite subject,” he says slowly, “but I found something about it that interested me.”  
Suddenly it doesn’t seem so funny anymore. “I always wanted to be a teacher,” you say softly, rising from your seat. “I always wanted to go home,” you throw them both a pointed look before leaving the room, feeling a lot less sure of yourself than you did going in-and that is saying something.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you are enjoying this story. :)   
> I hope you all have a Happy New Year! 
> 
> Song Recommendation: I Can't Make You Love Me by Bon Iver.

CHAPTER TWO

‘Cause I can’t make you love me, if you don’t  
I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.  
-'I Can't Make You Love Me' by Bon Iver. 

X.x.X  
They all avoid you. You hear people passing your door, stopping, almost like they want to enter but can’t quite bring themselves too.  
Word on the street-or the corridor- is that Miss Pryde is going crazy.  
You’re not sure they’re wrong.  
You don’t leave the room the whole day. You spend about five minutes in bed, but you’ve never really been the sort who sat there and did nothing. Instead, you tear open every drawer, exploring every letter, photograph, album, every piece of clothing and bottle of perfume- God, you haven’t smelt perfume in so long- and it strikes you along the way that some of the knick knacks and items you recognise. They’re yours from before, your past life before war and death and Sentinels. Some skating medals here, some old and embarrassing CD’s there, photographs with your childhood friends in Canada and the ones you made here, like Jones and Bobby. More have been added to the collection, with people you recognise-the ones you still feel a tug in your chest about, because you lost them. 

You examine the photos carefully, holding them close to your chest. You’re staring, and you feel like if you look away, the people in the photographs will disappear, leaving you once more. You’re paying attention to one taken of you with your class of that year, your arm around a kid’s shoulder and Peter is there too, his massive arm using your head as an armrest, his face the perfect picture of innocence. You can tell by your own expression that you’re mid eye roll, but you aren’t really annoyed at all. Then heavy footfall arrives outside the door and there’s a hesitant knock. You don’t bother answering it, but whoever it is nudges open the door, then fully opens it, having obviously decided it was safe to enter. Peter stands before you with a tray of hot food that makes your stomach rumble, and he mumbles ‘I thought you might be hungry,’ and you’re oddly touched by the gesture.

“Thank you,” you say finally, and he crosses the room to give you the tray. He’s about to back up when he notices the pictures. “Kitty….”  
“I’ve ransacked this entire room, Peter. And the only things I recognise are things from when I was younger. Everything else…” your eyes flit around your surroundings and you shrug, “I’m a stranger in my own home.” Peter studies you for a while before making a decision and sitting down on the floor a respectful distance away from you. “I have an idea.”  
“I’m all ears and open to suggestions,” you reply.   
“You don’t know about this life.” It’s a statement, flat and prepared to cause the least amount of pain. You answer quickly to spare him.   
“No.”

“And I don’t know about your future,” he continues and you shake your head, unsure of where Peter is going with this.   
“Right.”  
“We could fix that,” he says and you nod to show you’re interested. “Fifty questions. Twenty five each. This game can take as long as it needs to, and we have to be honest. It’ll give us a starting point until….until we figure this out.”  
You bite your lip and look at Peter’s honest face. He seems to earnest and helpful, but you know he’s really trying to jog your memory. But you aren’t dumb. You know you’re stuck here for the foreseeable future- it has already been changed. You can’t change how everything is here and now- and you can’t even bear to think about Bobby. You can’t carry on in this future knowing nothing. So you say “okay.” 

X.x.X

You miss him.  
It hurts, not being with Bobby.   
You had been partners, in more ways than one. He was your best friend and co-leader and you loved him, you had since you were a teenager and he took you out the night of the Professor’s funeral and brought home to you, icing up the fountain and giving you something you so desperately need- hope. Hope that things would get better. Hope that the mansion would still be home. Hope that you wouldn’t have to go back to being the weird girl who could phase through walls. At the Institute you had a purpose, and Bobby helped remind you of that. He was considerate, kind, strong, a leader. And in that future- that dreaded, desolate future- he was yours. He was different- war-torn, tired and on edge- but he was still the boy who held your hand when you felt like your world was crumbling down. He was still the anchor keeping you here, keeping you focused. One of you wouldn’t have survived without the other in the other future- the one they tell you didn’t happen.

But it must have. You feel it. You feel it in your heart and soul, in your bones and thrumming through your blood that it must have happened. Feelings like that don’t go away. Friendships like that doesn’t go away.   
A word on fire doesn’t go away. A world at war doesn’t go away.  
And it hasn’t. Not really. Except now instead of in the streets the fire, pain, loss and destruction are all in your head.  
The war is in your head.  
And the loss- oh the loss is too hard to bear. 

X.x.X

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here- I just- I’ll go,” Peter is almost out the door when you reply.   
“It’s okay, I shouldn’t be in here anyway. The showers in the mens bathrooms are warmer than the women’s. You don’t have to leave,” your back is to him anyway, and you’re enjoying the pounding stream of roasting water too much to be embarrassed. “Just…no peaking,” you instruct him and peak over your shoulder, but he’s already leaning against the wall, looking the other way. Satisfied, you turn back to your shower. “I just can’t seem to get warm,” you admit, and realise he isn’t laughing. He doesn’t think you’re you. His version of you. You wonder what’s like to be her, and then you realise some days you are her, and in a way you are always her. Then your head hurts and you feel like a lie down would be a great idea.   
What would it be like to not have the knowledge of both lives? 

You sneak a glance at him again and sigh. “I was joking about no peaking, I’m wearing a bathing suit, Peter. You can come in. Join me, if you want,” you tell him easily, adding a laugh to cover the shake in your voice. You can feel his eyes burning holes into your back and you eventually hear the rustle of him taking off clothes and he steps in with you.   
There’s no harm in pretending this is your life for a while, is there?   
You must love him. You must love him somewhere deep inside you, and you have to try and get that.  
He reaches past you for the shampoo and with an obviously well practiced gesture starts massaging it into your hair. You feel a tug in your heart at the sweetness of the gesture, and a smile tugs at your lips as he repeats the rinse and repeat in silence. “You’re awfully quiet,” you say to break the silence after a while. It’s almost unbearable being this close and making this progress but not knowing what he’s thinking. Peter shrugs. 

“Just thinking,” he replies casually. “I can still go, if you want. You’re practically flinching from me every time I get anyway close.”  
You snort and roll your eyes, not that he sees. You reach up to check that all the suds are out of your hair while replying. “Please, Peter. Personal space went out the window years ago, we do this sometimes.”  
He brushes your hair over one shoulder and leans down and brushes him lips against your neck. “Oh really?” he murmurs and you sigh, content.   
“Mmhmm. We had to do this all the time to conserve water,” you say absently, distracted by the trail of his lips.  
It’s only when they Peter’s entire body stiffens and he straightens up that you realise your mistake.  
“Kitty,” he says, his voice low and caught. You turn around to face him slowly, eyes wide.  
“Peter, I-”  
“Don’t,” he says roughly and drags a hand down his face. “Do you remember?” he asks finally, and with the hot water beating down your back, you want to lie.

You want to say yes, you do remember.  
You don’t want to hurt him.   
But that lie could give him false hope, and you can’t destroy Peter like that. You just can’t.  
“No.”   
He nods, like that’s all he has to hear. Then he’s out of the cubicle and you’re fumbling with the shower knob and stumbling out after him. “Peter, wait.”

Suddenly, he’s spinning towards you, furiously towelling himself off and tugging on a shirt and jeans. You numbly notice he kept his boxers on, and that makes it hurt even more.   
He says one word to you, and it’s filled with fury, anger, hurt and desperation. “Why?” You’re not sure if he’s asking why you did it or why you don’t remember.  
You stare at him, cursing your stupid idea. “I need to remember,” you admit. “I need to try and remember. It’s driving me crazy, I have this-this hole in my head, and it’s like I’m grasping at straws,” you snap, your voice full of frustration. You shake your head, angry at the tears threatening to well up in your eyes. “I’m sorry I used you, Peter. I am. I just want to remember,” you whisper. Peter sighs deeply. 

“You can’t use me like that, Kitty. You can’t do that to me.” His back is tense and his voice cracks. He turns back to face you, and a broken man is looking at you. “Every day I hope that it will be you again. You’ll remember. You’ll- you’ll love me. But all I see is a blank expression on your face, no recognition, and I think ‘not today.’” He lurches towards you, almost like he wants to do this before he loses courage. Before you know what is happening Peter is right in front of you and cups your neck and jaw gently and kisses you. It’s light, and you’re not even sure it really happened until he says “Please come back to me, Katya.”   
Then he is gone, and you’re left dripping wet with a million questions, a hole in your head and lips tingling with the memory of a kiss- but not of any others.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you're enjoying this story so far. :)   
> I hope 2017 is treating you all nicely so far!   
> Enjoy. :)
> 
> Song Recommendations: And The World Was Gone by Snow Ghosts.

Chapter Three.

You said you'd wait forever

But I blinked And the world was gone.

-Snow Ghosts, ‘And The World Was Gone’.

 

X.x.X

“Okay. How’d the Professor, Jean and Scott come back?”

“That one is easy. You,” he replies. You blink at him, frowning. You tilt your head to that picture of you and Jean, hoping it has the answers. It doesn’t, but Peter does. “I don’t know how you got the idea. You were with Storm at the graves one day and you just….got it. You told Storm something, and she thought it was impossible. Then….you tried to do it yourself,” he grimaced.

You’re scared and alone and you may have won the war, but you lost it too. You lost so much, too much. If only things were as they used to be. If only you could turn back time. “Turn back time,” you murmur, and Peter’s head snaps up to look at you. You furrow your brow, feeling the thought there but it’s like trying to grasp smoke. Peter gives you a small smile and continues.

You’re bringing them back.

If you go back to Alkali Base with the other jet you can save them all.

If you can phase through walls, you can phase through time.

_Peter hears you scream from his room and bursts out the door and almost tears your door off your hinges, already in metal form. “Kitty?” he asks, striding into the room. “What’s wrong?” He finds you curled up in a ball on the other side of your bed, your hands clutching either side of your head, small white wisp’s curling around your hands. He changes back into human form and bundles you up in his arms and lifts you onto your bed, shaking your forearms lightly. “Kitty, snap out of it. There’s nothing wrong, you’re safe.”_

_“I’m not sure you’re right,” says a voice from the doorway, and Peter glances round to see Jones in the doorway, staring at you in concentration. “There’s something wrong with her….it’s like she’s…fuzzy. Get her back,” he exclaims sharply. “Get her back now, Peter.” Peter looks back down to you, and you look fine to him, except for your low whimpering. Peter sits on the bed and gathers you to his chest._

_“Listen to my breathing, alright? Feel the inhale and exhale. I’m here, I’m real. Come back, Kitty. Come back to me.” Slowly, painfully so, your body calms and Jones nods._

_“She’s back,” he says decisively. Peter gestures his head._

_“Come in and shut the door before anyone sees us,” he instructs, and Jones does so as you start coming round._

_“I know how to get them back,” you mumble, and they both do a double take. “Scott and Jean, The Professor. I can get them back.”_

_“How?” Peter asks gently. “Kitty, they’re gone.”_

_“Oh my God,” Jones exclaims, and Peter looks frustrated that he’s the only one who doesn’t understand. “You weren’t getting fuzzy because you were dying, you were getting fuzzy because you were on a different wave length. Or trying to be.”_

_“Different wave length- you aren’t making any sense,” Peter frowns before turning to you suspiciously. “What were you trying to do?” You take a deep breath before telling them. “I was trying to go back in time.”_

“So….I sent myself back and saved them?” you ask hesitantly, because while that’s pretty much what you did in your future-or so you think- something doesn’t seem right. Peter pulls a face and says “no, not exactly. You couldn’t concentrate enough to send yourself back to the right time because the pain was excruciating….so….”

_“You’re not doing this alone,” Peter states and Jones crosses his arms. “I’m not bringing anyone else in, it’s too dangerous,” you argue. “I don’t even know what you’re doing.” “Exactly, you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s dangerous for you to be the one to be sent back when you’re sending yourself.”_

_“What do you want me to do, Peter, go bully one of the little kids?”_

_“No! God no. I mean use me,” Peter explains and you pale._

_“No way.”_

_“Yes way,” he confirms, and you could laugh. Or cry. Or maybe both._

_“I’m serious, Peter. I don’t know what I’m doing, I could kill you!” you stress, because Peter really doesn’t seem deterred._

_“No, you can’t,” Jones pipes up. He eagerly steps closer to the bed and says “when you started shifting through time, your frequency messed up and I couldn’t sense you as well, but you were jerking back and forth. I think if you go back, it should just be a clean break. I think I can focus and direct you in the right direction,” he finishes, and Peter appraises him._

_“Nice work, Jones. That would be great if you could help us.”_

_It’s then you’re pretty sure you’re stuck with them._

“We pulled it off, eventually. You sent me to some pretty dodgy places first,” Peter grinned, not looking the least bit scarred, which you take as a good sign. “You sent me back, I took the kids back to the school, got the other jet, flew the other jet,” he grimaced.

“Not very well?” you ask wryly, and he runs a hand over the back of his neck.

“There’s a reason I’m not Hank’s first choice to pilot any of his jets. But I flew to Alkali Lake, got everyone on our jet in the nick of time, and made sure Jean stayed on the freaking jet this time,” he grumbled. “No war with Magneto, no more than usual anyway. The only ones who know what had happened are me, the Professor, and Jones. He figured something was weird with my frequency and I had to tell him before he gave himself an aneurysm staring at me. And now you, I guess.”

You frown. “I didn’t know before?”

Peter takes a moment before replying. “No. Their deaths, they devastated you. The war changed you, took away your innocence. I decided not to tell you.”

It’s almost as if he sees the punch coming before it happens, yet he sits there and takes it. It probably hurt you more than it does him, but it’s worth it. “You do not get to decide what I can and cannot handle,” you hiss, and Peter lets out a sharp laugh.

“Unsurprisingly, that’s not the first time you hit me over that.”

X.x.X

“What was it like?” Peter asks, “In that future?”

You can’t even look at him. Instead you look out the window and focus on it, remembering the horror and devastation you’ve seen. You can’t look at Peter because he’s always been able to read you like a book. He’ll see the horrors you’ve seen but also the longing, because that’s the one world where you had a place.

And you shouldn’t miss a future where everyone you love is dead, should you?

“It was…dark. And cold. And there was blood, so much bloodshed, and anger. Rage. Hatred. Fear. I wouldn’t wish living that that, feeling like that, on my worst enemy.”

“Was there anyone left?” he asks curiously, and you shudder.

“A few. From the Institute it was you, Bobby, and me. Storm, Logan, Xavier and Magneto. A few others we found along the way.”

“No one else made it?” he asks, and you can sense the betrayal in his voice. How could you have let all the others die?

But Peter doesn’t understand.

You don’t live through that and be the same person you were at the start.

You buried her when the others burned.

You turn and look him in the eyes. “No one else made it.”

X.x.X

_“No.” The one word tore out of Bobby, getting louder and echoing around them like a whisper, a whisper of pain and death and loss._

_“I’m sorry-” Bishop starts, his clothes torn as Blink patches up a wound on his arm._

_“NO,” Bobby repeats, pacing. He’s like a tornado, you know he’s dangerous and deadly but you can’t stop looking at him, you’re stuck to the spot. He’s pure power and pain wrapped up in the shape of a man, ravaged and moulded by war, as you all are. You’ve suffered losses before. But not like this._

_“There was no way we could have got to her, she was too far away-” Bishop reasons, and Bobby shakes his head and turns away from them._

_“Blink-” you start, and she shakes her head with tears in her eyes._

_“I would have brought sentinels with us. We don’t have another site scouted yet, it would have killed us all,” she says mournfully, “I’m so sorry. We couldn’t get to her in time, it was too late.”_

_Peter speaks up for the first time since he, Blink and Bishop had arrived back from looking for supplies, a trip that had gone terribly wrong. “I tried, Bobby,” he says quietly, leaning forward in his seat, “I tried to get to her, but it was too late. It- it was quick,” he chokes out, and you feel tears streaming down your own face._

_You’d all lost so much. Too much. The X-Men were either dead or in hiding. The students were dead. Mutants and mutant sympathisers everywhere were being captured and killed. But this was different. This was personal. As Bobby finally breaks down and falls to his knees, you can’t help but think: This was the mess Rogue had left you all in._


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the late update. Back again with another chapter- quite short but, again, it was the best place to break it up and other chapters are quite long. One of the scenes is shamelessly inspired by one of my favourite parts of ‘Jane Eyre.’   
> Have a great day and I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Song Recommendations: 5AM by Amber Run.

Chapter Four.

 

And you don't know what you've got until it's gone.  
And you don't know who to love until you're lost.  
And you don't know how to feel until the moment's passed.  
I wish you'd live like you're made of glass.  
-Amber Run, ‘5AM’.

 

X.x.X.  
He finds you crying one day, leaving a bathroom. Some days you think you can handle this world but then you’ll remember something or think of something Blink or Sunspot would like and it sets you off all over again.   
“Do you miss it?” he adds you, and you hastily wipe at your eyes. However there’s little point in trying to hide it- it’s the dirty truth you’ve had to keep to yourself. Why should you miss that desolate future? Really, you have no reason to. But it’s the future you know- the one with your memories and your friends and Bobby. 

Hesitantly, you nod, then explain. “I miss knowing where I stood, I miss my friends.” You cock your head at him, remembering how he would have joked about with Sunspot, or trained with Warpath. “You would have liked them,” you add sadly.  
“Bobby?” he asks, and again you nod. Peter pauses, and takes your hands in his. “Kitty, despite everything….if I could, I’d send you back. If it was what you really wanted, I’d send you back.”  
You stare at his kind face, and not for the first time you wish you could love him. You stand on your tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek, feeling a weight taken off your shoulders because before now you thought it wasn’t okay to miss that future. “Thank you.”

X.x.X

“Did we ever…” he asks and you shake your head.  
“No. I was with Bobby. And even when I wasn’t at first, I was too hung up on him. We were just friends.”   
Peter nods at this, like this is something he was used to. “Did I ever tell you?” he asks and you don’t have to hear the rest of that question. You’re not sure you want to or could handle it.  
“No, you never told me,” you tell him. After a moment’s pause you speak again. “Maybe you didn’t,” you suggest almost hopefully, “in that future.”  
Peter gives you a half smile. “Nah. I did.”  
“How can you be so sure?” you ask curiously. “This future was basically a complete paradox.”

Peter shrugs, but you can tell by the intensity in his eyes he isn’t kidding around with what he says next. “There will never be a universe where I don’t love you.”  
You’re selfish. You wish he wouldn’t say things like that. Because you don’t love him the way he loves you, wholeheartedly, truly and without fail, no matter how much you hurt him. You’re undeserving of his dedication but you don’t push him away because it’s nice to be loved like that. Bobby never loved you with his whole being, unconditionally. You would tell yourself it was because of how you lived- with others, constantly on the run, forever in danger. You were always dealing with the grief you all had faced that he couldn’t open himself up like that. But part of you wondered- a selfish, bad part of you- if Rogue was still alive, would Bobby be with you?  
You got your answer in this future.

X.x.X

It’s the weekend and you’re drowning in papers and homework to mark. You enjoy the solidarity and regularity of it, though, no room for any other thought in your head. You’re taking a break in the kitchen, talking to some of the kids and it is times like these you’re grateful for this future, because these kids will have a future.   
You hear a car pull up- nothing unusual, it would seem that Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters is as busy as it ever was when you were a student. The front door opens and a few minutes later Peter pops his head through the kitchen door. “Hey, Kitty,” he beckons, and you join him at the door. While things with Peter have been weird and difficult for you both, with neither of you quite sure where you stand with the other, he’s the only one you can turn to. “Something arrived for you today, it’s waiting at the door.” You look at him oddly and shake your head.

“I didn’t order anything. I swear, if it’s one of the kids ordering pizza again-” you stop in your tracks when you see what’s waiting for you just inside the door. Taller, older, and a weekend bag slung over his shoulder-  
“Jones?” you gasp, coming to a halt. He peers owlishly at you from behind his glasses and examines you from head to toe, and you feel self-conscious that he’s able to tell about your situation. Finally he breaks into a grin and opens his arms. “Hey trouble.”  
You go flying into his arms and you never want to let go. 

As one should when back with a best friend-you got roaring drunk.  
Stupid, probably, and irresponsible, definitely, but when had you had the chance to do either?   
You both stumble back into the Mansion as quietly as you possibly can, and Jones heads straight to the kitchen, staggering his way there. You squint at the stairs because suddenly god they’re so big and there’s so many and you’re only tiny, can you even manage them? You’ve braved it and have managed to get up the first set when you run into a solid wall.  
But the wall is warm. And comfy. And has abs.

You stumble back a step and steady hands grip your forearms to keep you from tumbling backwards down the stairs. “Peter,” you sigh and he lets you go.  
“Kitty,” he greets.  
“I was-” you both start at the same time, and he laughs awkwardly.   
“I was just at a bar with Jones,” you blurt out and he nods.  
“I know. I was just headed down to the couch.” He yawns and shuffles his feet. “Did you…” he starts, “did you have a good time?”

You smile at him. “Yeah, it was great. I missed him. It was nice to be…normal. For things to not be weird.” And it’s true. Everyone here either thinks you’re crazy, is treating you like you’re made of glass- whether they know what’s happening or not. Jones came home from College for the weekend as Peter thought it would help you, he said, and he was right. Jones- sweet, pragmatic Jones- had listened to you ramble about your love life and what had happened- you didn’t go into too much detail about that future, this was a celebration after all- with a quiet concentration, and then told it to you straight, or as straight as he could when drunk. 

“Good. That’s…that’s good,” he agrees. You bite your lip and take a hesitant step towards him.   
“Peter, thank you. It…it meant a lot. Everything you’ve done means a lot. I know it’s not what you want or what you deserve and I know I’m selfish and indecisive, but I’m working on it. I’m trying,” you spill and he stares at you, seemingly indifferently until he reaches and tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear.   
“Goodnight, my K-” he’s interrupted by Jones banging something in the kitchen and cuts off abruptly. Peter pulls back and shifts past you and into the living room, leaving you with no option but to continue up the stairs and begin again tomorrow.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoy. :)  
> Son Recommendation: Medicine by Daughter

Chapter Five.

 

 **You could still be,**  
what you want to be,  
What you said you were,  
when you met me.

**-Daughter, ‘Medicine’**

 

**CHAPTER FIVE**

X.x.X

You are desperately trying avoid Bobby. It hurts to see him and it shouldn’t. He’ll know something is wrong, and while most of you is screaming that Bobby is yours and Rogue is dead and this is crazy, the logical part of you is saying yes, this is crazy, but in this future Bobby isn’t yours and Rogue isn’t dead and you are so, so grateful that your friends aren’t dead.

It helps, but not much. It doesn’t make you feel any better about the friends you don’t know in this future.

You can’t see Bobby, because he’ll try to fix whatever is wrong. And you can’t tell him about this, it’s already ruining enough lives.

Instead you spend your time with Peter, or in the Professor’s office learning about this future. Once you’ve learnt enough you find yourself spending time with Jean. You’d forgotten how much you liked her when she wasn’t Phoenix trying to kill everyone. But apparently that never happened in this future. For the better, you suppose. Eventually you get so frustrated sitting around all day that you try helping out in the physics lessons, much to Peter and the kids you’re supposed to be teaching’s amusement. But you get the hang of it eventually, and soon you are bumbling through the lessons by yourself. Peter is still there though, smirking in the corner. He teases you later, but him being there helps, as it always has.

You’re teaching the class one day and studiously ignore Bobby and Rogue as they walk past the open classroom, when a few minutes later someone catches the corner of your eye.

Logan.

Logan is staggering past the room and pauses and stares inside. You recognise the look on his face.

That is the face of someone seeing ghosts.

As soon as the class finishes you hurry out of the room and straight to his. 

Being a man as jumpy as he is, when you rap on Logan’s door sharply he opens it only a crack at first. When he sees that it’s you, he opens it wider with a gruff ‘hey, kid.’ You barge the door open- surprisingly forceful for someone your size- and throw yourself into his arms.

“Thank God,” you whisper and Logan stiffens between your arms. He holds you out at arm’s length and examines your face with that way only Logan does. Whatever he finds, he must not like.

“Oh, Kid,” he sighs. “You too?”

You nod. “I was so alone, Logan,” you mumble. “Everyone was alive but…. I didn’t remember this life, and no one knows Blink or Bishop or the others. It was a whole other life and no one knew it, and I waited so long. I didn’t think you’d ever remember. I thought maybe that future had got lost in transit with you.”

“No, Kitty. Just slower. Drowning takes it out of you,” he deadpans.

A weight is lifted off your chest because now you aren’t alone.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Logan,” you say gratefully and he frowns.

“That’s great and all kid, but how come you remember? Charles said-”

“Charles said what?” you ask slowly, a feeling of dread washing over you.

Logan pauses before speaking again. “You wouldn’t remember. You wouldn’t remember anything.”

You’re out of there like a flash and barging into The Professor’s office, Logan hot on your heels, protesting.

“Kitty,” Charles greets warily as you halt before his desk, trembling with anger.

“You said I wouldn’t remember anything,” you say to him. Charles looks at you unwaveringly. “You never said that to me. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out why I didn’t know everything. Trying to figure out why most of my memories didn’t have you there. Why you waited so long.”

“Kitty-” Charles starts.

“You left us to die!” you yell, and Logan steps forward.

“That’s enough, kid.”

“No, Logan,” the Professor says, holding up a hand, “let her continue.”

“You let us to fend by ourselves while we were being picked off. You told us when we needed you, you would come. You promised, Professor. But where were you?”

“Kitty,” Logan commands.

“Where were you when your school went down in flames? Where were you when your students were dying? Where were you when Rogue was killed? Where were you when we called, screaming in our minds, begging, pleading? _Where were you?”_

The Professor swallows and looks at you evenly. “I’m afraid I’ve made many promises I haven’t been able to keep.”

“Yeah, you’re damn right you have,” you agree sharply.

“I had to wait until we had tried all other avenues. We split up from you to give you the best chance of survival, that maybe you’d figure it out on your own. We had to wait until there was no other hope, nowhere else to turn. I had no choice.”

You see where the Professor is coming from. You really do. It’s a logical explanation. But you can’t help but think what if there was no more option, no turning back time. What if that was how it ended and you all died. You died alone, thinking you had been abandoned by the one man who had promised you all so many things, but above all a safe place.

“You blocked it, didn’t you?” you ask him, dreading the answer. “You blocked the very last memories.” Logan and Charles share a look and Charles shakes his head.

“No, I didn’t, Kitty. Whatever you’re not remembering… you’re blocking yourself. But Kitty?” he asks and you glance at him. “There are some things you don’t want to remember.”

 

X.x.X

 

_“Bobby?” you say hesitantly to the man sitting in front of you. It’s been two months since Rogue died and Bobby has just been going through the motions since then. He mourned, he cried, he dealt with it and got over it. Or so he said. But there was no life in him anymore. No drive. He kept going for the others- he was the leader they needed- but he didn’t inspire them like he used to. He didn’t want to die- but for the first time he didn’t feel like there was much to live for either._

_In the interim, as you were struggling to keep everybody together and alive, Peter had stepped up, organising supply runs, going with Blink to scout the next sites, training Warpath. He was helpful and reliable, but everyone had their own load and burden to bear. Everyone had red in their ledger, people dead for knowing them, being related to them, helping them- and Peter felt Rogue’s blood was on his hands._

_“Bobby, we’re moving out now,” you say gently. “There’s no one here. Blink’s found a new place. We gotta go.”_

_Bobby acknowledges you, finally, nodding. He gets distracted by the pages in his hands a few seconds longer before looking at you. “Did you know about this?” he asks you, gesturing to the letter. You peer at the pages, Rogue’s familiar cursive undeniable. You shake your head wordlessly, overwhelmed. While Rogue is gone she’s also everywhere._

_“She wrote this…I’m not even sure how long ago. Maybe she knew,” he concedes, “or maybe she was just smarter than the rest of us. She always was prepared like that. Or maybe the rest of us were just naïve,” he admits._

_You swallow the lump in your throat, asking, “What does it say?”_

_Bobby pauses before speaking. “She says to not give up. To keep looking for a way out, to fix this. She wants me to have hope and share it with other people. She said,” he grimaces, “Hope is all that a leader has left to give.”_

_You surprise yourself by agreeing. “She’s right,” you admit, “Sometimes there’s nothing else to give. Hope is a very powerful thing.”_

_“Yeah,” he agrees, looking at you intently, “It is.”_

_You match his stare for a moment before replying. “Did she say anything else?”_

_Bobby inclines his head. “Yeah, yeah. She….she said a lot.”_

_You nod, “Sorry that was really intrusive of me. It’s probably personal.” You make to leave, but he grabs hold of your wrist._

_“She said she wanted me to be happy,” he says suddenly, his hand slipping into yours. Your heart is pounding so loud you’re sure he can hear it, but you remain nonchalant._

_“Oh?”_

_He flashes you the smile- it’s so rare you see it these days, the smile of the boy that took you ice skating on the fountain- and squeezes your hand. “You make me happy.”_

_Your heart skips a beat and you bite your lip. “Bobby-”_

_“I know. I know it’s crazy, and it’s too soon and you’ll say I’m grieving and yeah, I am. I lost my first love. But things are so…fragile. Nothing is stable or normal. And you, or me or any of us could die at any time, and I don’t want that to happen without you know that I care about you, Kitty,” Bobby levels his eyes with yours, “As more than a friend.”_

_While most of you is jumping for joy and screaming_ finally, _part of you feels guilty. Rogue was a teammate, she was your friend. Silently liking her boyfriend was one thing, but turning around a being with him would be betrayal._

_Or would it?_

_The rules of the world are so different now. It’s fragile, like Bobby said. Life is short. And there’s so much misery in it. When there’s even a glimpse of happiness, you need to take it, because it might not last forever._

_With that, your resolve crumbles. “I like you as more than a friend too.”_

 

 

 


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you are enjoying so far. 
> 
> Song Recommendation: 'Edge of Seventeen' by Stevie Nicks, The Wind and The Wave cover.

Chapter Six.

Well then suddenly

There was no one left standing

In the hall, yeah, yeah

In a flood of tears

That no one really ever heard fall at all.

-Edge of Seventeen, Stevie Nicks (The Wind and The Wave cover)

 

 

_Something is wrong._

_You sense it in the air, and your feelings are confirmed when you hear a sharp whistle and Charles mentally calling you to the foyer. You race to the foyer, aware of Storm and Peter meeting you from adjoining corridors._

_“What’s happening?” Peter asks as you thunder down the stairs._

_Storm shakes her head quickly. “No clue.”_

_You’re met in the foyer by Hank, Bobby and Logan alongside the Professor. Hank is tapping away quickly at a tablet, Logan staring intently out the full height glass windows for a second before turning to you. “Took you long enough.”_

_“What’s happening?” Storm demands and Hank replies._

_“Missiles.”_

_“What?” you blurt out, and The Professor looks grim._

_“The time has come. Humans well and truly do not trust us- we are under attack. Hank?”_

_“Two minutes, tops,” Beast replies. You make your way over to him quickly, and he hands the tablet over to you. Your fingers whizz expertly over the screen, and you squint into the distance._

_“They’re military operated. Logan, can you give me anything?”_

_“Heat sensors,” he replies gruffly, sniffing the air, “not far enough out. Charles?”_

_The Professor nods, and begins giving orders hastily. “Hank, Logan- I want you out their taking out as many of their men as possible. They’ll have armed men on the ground. Get far enough away. Storm, I need you to buy us some time, slow them down.”_

_They all leave quickly, and you see Rogue rushing past with a trail of students following her, ushering them along. She pauses long enough to share a look with Bobby before turning on her heel and continuing on._

_“How do we stop it?” you ask hastily, very aware of your imminent death._

_“Could Pete throw Kitty into the missile, short circuiting it?” Bobby suggests, and Peter shakes his head._

_“At that trajectory and the speed it’s travelling, the missiles would still go down in the school.”_

_“No, that wouldn’t work, not with the make of metal, chances are Kitty would just get stuck inside the missile. It would be disastrous.” Charles looks at you. “Kitty,” he says urgently, “I need you to phase the school.”_

_“What?!” you yelp, and Charles ignores you._

_“Kurt!” he calls, and Nightcrawler appears in an instant. “I need you to help Rogue. Check the school and get everyone in the Danger Room, now. Those with armour and protective mutations form a ring around the other kids. Get Hisako to lead it, and quickly. ” Even if Kurt could teleport everyone out in time, the missiles searched for heat, locked on mutants- it would find them anyway._

_Kurt nods before teleporting away. “I can’t_ phase the school, _Charles, it’s too big and those missiles are too fast-” you protest._

 _“Katherine, there isn’t_ time,” _The Professor states sharply. “Bobby- ice wall, get as much room between the school and the missiles as possible.”_

_Bobby runs out the door, and you see the ice wall going up- not that it will do much to protect the institute from missiles._

_“How long do we have?” Peter asks, and you glance at the tablet._

_“Forty seconds, maximum.” You take a deep breath and as Bobby re-enters, you give an order. “All of you, get to the Danger Room.”_

_Bobby is about to protest, and you stop him. “If I can’t stop this, the Danger Room is the only place you’ll have a chance. You all_ need _to go, right now.”_

_Bobby nods at you. “Good luck,” he says, before racing off, yelling “Come on, let’s go, people! Everyone get to the Danger Room right this second!”_

_“Both of you, go!” you yell at Peter and the Professor, who gives you one last chance. “You can do this, Kitty,” he reaffirms finally before wheeling away._

_“Pete-”_

_“I’m not leaving. They might have snipers Logan and Hank didn’t get.” Peter expertly loads up a gun from his back pocket. Seeing your look, he shrugs. “I grew up in Russia. Plus debris is going to hit this place whether you phase the school or not, you’ll be too weak to phase yourself out. I’m you only chance of getting out of here alive,” he states, “I’m staying.”_

_You want to argue, to make him leave, but there isn’t enough time and you see the missiles coming now. “They’re locked on,” Peter informs you, and you rock forward on your feet, shaking your hands._

_“Okay,” you mutter, and Peter readies himself, his eyes sharp on the missiles. “Ten seconds.”_

_You place your hands on the walls, steadying yourself. You concentrate, focusing on all the lives within the school and the structure of it, feeling the matter thrum underneath your fingertips. You hear Peter fire off a few shots but hardly notice, the effort straining you physically and you feel beads of sweat coming down your face with the exertion, your whole body shaking. “God…give me strength…” you whisper to yourself, your eyes squeezing shut as you feel the building phase just as the missiles burst through Bobby’s ice wall and they tear through the school without doing any harm. Your strength fades and you cry out as the school flickers into solid being, the last missile crashing through the last wall in the upper floor and into the ground behind the school. The last wall explodes and debris goes flying. Peter armours up, debris bouncing off him. “Kitty!” he yells, running towards you. Another blast goes off, sending him hurtling towards you faster, too fast, and he powers down so that he doesn’t splatter your skull, twisting so that he’s in front of you and quickly uses his power as you smash through the floor-to-ceiling glass and are thrown into the pool, glass, fire and parts of the building landing in round you. You and Peter surface, gasping, and he knocks away another piece of the school flying towards you both._

_You clamber out of the pool and collapse to your knees, your energy spent, as you stare at the destruction in front of you- Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters was on fire, you realise with horror, and it’s all your fault. You weren’t strong enough._

_“What have I done?”_

x.X.x

 

You’re walking from a class when you feel it.

You don’t remember this memory, this one cuts through one like a knife- or should you say claws- and all you can feel is

Pain.        

Searing pain, excruciating and never ending.

You feel like oblivion would be a kindness- albeit one you don’t deserve.

You don’t feel yourself falling until pain shoots up your legs and you feel the wooden floor beneath you.

You feel like you’re screaming but you don’t think anything is coming out, and you can’t hear anything but white noise. Your vision is going blurry and unfocused from unshed tears as your head hits the ground with a thump. But you must have screamed or someone must have found you because the white noise is being broken through with voices, raised and alarmed, but you’re not sure _why._ There’s so much pain and you’re not sure _how_ , until you put your hand to your side and it comes away covered in blood and you know you’re in trouble.

You hear voices, panicked yells and pounding feet and people asking

‘what happened?’

 But

You

Don’t

Know.

All you know is one minute you’re walking down the hallway to your next class and the next you’re sitting in a damp, dimly lit tomb in China with Logan thrashing in front of you. You cry out as you’re hit by his claws-why?- you’re losing him, you’re losing him- and Bobby’s there in an instant- Bobby, your Bobby-

‘oh my God, Kitty’

But this is _wrong,_ it feels wrong, it’s what you wanted for so long but things have changed and _you’ve_ changed because you aren’t the young, grieving girl anymore, and Bobby isn’t the beacon golden boy with the easy laugh. It wasn’t easy though, it was hard. It was difficult in ways it shouldn’t have been, tense in ways it didn’t need to be and it hurt in ways it shouldn’t.

And then you’re being picked up like a child and you cry out at being jostled in familiar arms. You’re not entirely sure where he’s taking you but it feels like home. It feels like the burden has been lessened. You feel like maybe- maybe if this is your time, for whatever reason- you can go having made your choice.

“She’s losing a lot of blood-”

You’re sorry.

“Jesus, what happened?-”

You don’t know.

“Just get her inside medical.”

Maybe you deserve this. Maybe this is what you get for being selfish. You forgot that being a mutant did not make you a god. It did not mean you could use and hurt others. But maybe that has nothing to do with being a mutant, it just has to do with your ignorance.

“Logan, why does it look like you attacked her?”

Because he did. But it is okay, Logan, you don’t blame him. He didn’t mean to.

“Please don’t ask questions Jean, and just help her.”

Yes Jean. Things tend to get messy when you get inquisitive.

You don’t remember much after that. Something is being injected into your arm and your vision blurs, but the last thing you see are Peter and Bobby standing side by side staring in at you before your eyes close and you slip away.

 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Back with another update. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Song Recommendation: Lost by Annie Lennox.

Chapter Seven.

We’re lost  
(baby come again don’t let me fall)  
We’re lost  
(Baby come again despite it all)  
We’re lost  
(Baby come)  
(Baby come)  
-‘Lost’ Annie Lennox

 

“Kid. Stop pacing, you’re wearing a hole in the floor,” Logan sighs as he leans against the wall.  
“Sorry,” Peter mutters and sits, tapping his foot.   
“They’ve been in there for over an hour,” Bobby pipes up. “Surely we should know something by now?” Peter and Logan share a look. Things were complicated enough without Bobby knowing the truth, so he’d simply been told Kitty had collapsed and something was wrong. It was easier to just keep Bobby out of it, it was bad enough so many people knowing already. “Jean’s working on her,” Logan replies shortly, and the three men are interrupted by clacking heels. They all look up, but it’s Rogue rushing into the small hallway outside medical. “What happened?” she puffed, “I just got back and heard. Is Kitty alright?” 

Bobby shakes his head. “We don’t know. A student found her screaming her head off in a hallway, collapsed in a pool of her own blood.” Peter shifts again and Rogue blanches. Bobby shifts his gaze to Peter and says apologetically “sorry.”  
“Jean and Charles are in there with her. She’s in the best place she can be. We just need to wait.” Peter states like it’s rehearsed- something that was repeatedly said by Logan and Bobby.   
It’s not long after that Jean appears in the doorway and beckons Peter and Logan, and politely asks Bobby and Rogue to stay outside with her and she’ll update them as best she can. 

“How is she?” Peter asks as soon as he’s in the room, heading straight for the bed Kitty is lying on. She looks so small lying there, her dark hair a stark contrast to her pale face.   
The Professor looks drawn and ragged. “Stable. We have her sedated for the time being to give her time to heal, so she doesn’t rupture her stitches.”  
“What the hell happened?” Peter demands and Logan grimaces.  
“Me.”

Peter looks at his fellow teammate and Logan explains. “At one point during being sent back, I started to slip from the past to the future. Kitty got….caught in crossfire,” and Peter’s eyes narrow. The Professor provides more depth to Logan’s answer.   
“From what I can gather from both Logan and Kitty’s mind, Logan started to slip in the timelines, and Kitty was injured by his claws, here, here, and here,” Charles states, pointing to Kitty’s side and what Peter assumes would be three deep, large gashes.   
“Fatally?” he asks tightly, and the Professor intervenes.

“Possibly, in that future, yes, it would have been. However there wasn’t medical assistance in that future, and here we have Jean. Her physical state will be fine, Peter.”   
The implication of Charles’ words weren’t lost on Peter.   
“Her physical state? What of her mental state? Where is she?” he interrogates.   
Charles’ eyes lock on Peter’s intently. “Listen to me, Peter. Due to the physical pain happening because of the other future, Kitty’s mind is flitting between both, unsure of where it lies. It’s like-”  
“A war inside your head,” Logan finishes for him, “It’s like a war in your god damn head.”

“Well what can we do?” Peter asks desperately, “how can we fix it?”  
The Professor hesitates. “There are two options. The first one is I can place a block in her mind, blocking her access to the other future’s memories-”  
“No,” Logan says firmly. “The last time you did that didn’t work out so well Charles.”  
“At least not when we don’t have their consent,” Peter agrees. “It’s an option, but one she would have to choose for herself, if she’s ever ready. I’m not taking that choice away from her.”

“What’s the second option?” Logan asks.  
Charles sighs. “We wait and let Kitty…take her course. Heal. And eventually decide for herself how she wishes to stay. But first we have to help her mind, soothe it so she doesn’t go into some sort of cardiac arrest over the strain.”   
“You mean-” Logan starts  
“Bobby,” Peter says flatly. He nods at the Professor. “I understand. If it will help her. What do we tell him?”  
“The truth. Or part of it, anyway,” Charles says grimly.

X.x.X

“You want me to do what?” Bobby exclaims.  
“You heard what, Bub,” Logan grunts and Bobby shakes his head in misunderstanding.  
“Yeah, I heard you, but I don’t get it. Kitty’s in love with me?” he asks and Peter stiffens.   
“Not really,” Peter grits out while Logan attempts to explain.  
“Look, kid, there’s not really a lot of time to explain and frankly it would be better for you if you didn’t know the full story. All you need to know is that she’s not well and we need you to go in there and go along with whatever she’s saying. Just go in there and talk to her.”

“I want to help, I do, but I don’t know what help I’ll be,” Bobby admits and Rogue speaks up for the first time.  
“Bobby,” she says firmly.  
“But-” Bobby protests, and she cuts him off.  
“Bobby Drake that girl needs your help, so you will go in there and listen to whatever she’s spouting or so help me God,” she threatens and Bobby nods.  
“Okay, as long as you’re okay with it,” he concedes and glances back at the group as he heads towards the door that leads to Kitty. “I’m not sure how much I’ll help her,” he admits and Peter lifts his head to look at his team mate from where he sits.   
“Trust me,” Peter resigns, “you’ll help. You may be the only thing that does.”

X.x.X

It’s cold.  
The first thing you remember noticing is that it’s cold.  
And then there is pain, so much pain but it’s dulled, nowhere near as sharp as it was. Something tells you to open your eyes, you need to open your eyes, but you’re just so tired and you can’t.   
You have to- it’s important, you know it’s important, you have something to do- save Logan.  
Get him back.  
But the sharp pain is back also and you want to cry out but you feel trapped and you still don’t know what’s wrong. 

Then you hear it, you hear his voice and you feel him take your hand and say ‘hey, Kitty.’  
You feel your panic subside when you hear Bobby’s voice, but you’re still on edge.   
You struggle to speak to him so he fills the silence, but it’s not as easy as it used to be, he sounds stressed and anxious as he talks to you, talking about their younger years as students- they’re the only memories you’re sure you share. It’s nice talking about the good memories you shared, but bittersweet. He speaks of them with affection, but there’s nothing extra in his voice. 

Something twists in your gut when he talks like that, unaware of the history- or future, should you say- that you share. He doesn’t remember what you’ve been through together- the last stand, your first battle as X Men. Fighting Sentinels and mutant hunters and even fellow mutants at times. He doesn’t remember the wars or bear the battle scars or know the losses. And in a way you’re glad, so glad that he hasn’t had to face that type of loss.   
Losing Rogue did something to Bobby, and eventually love blossomed out of the comfort that followed her death. But Bobby was never himself after that- war had taken him too.

You had a crush on Bobby for as long as you could remember, he was slightly older, cool and friendly, he made you feel like you had a home and a reason to stay after the Institute hadn’t felt like home. But Bobby the boy was now Bobby a man- and Bobby the man in your future came to fruition out of necessity, to survive. This Bobby didn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders- he turned out how your Bobby should have. And that was all you wanted, really. For Bobby to be happy. 

Occasionally as he speaks the pain shoots through you and you get an agonising pain in your head and he’s Bobby, your Bobby and you’re in a Chinese vault and you’re losing Logan, he’s slipping, but as you always have you focus on Bobby, on his voice and his words and the difference in this Bobby and yours astounds you and brings you back.  
Bobby, as always, brings you home.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this is late up, my family is going through a difficult time at the minute so I haven't been able to be on here. So if I'm late with updates, that will be why! Hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> Song Recommendation: Say You Love Me by Jessie Ware.

Chapter Eight.

 

Cause I don't wanna fall in love  
If you don't wanna try,  
But all that I've been thinking of  
Is maybe that you might.

-‘Say You Love Me’ Jessie Ware

 

 Peter’s slumped down on the floor with his back against a wall when he hears high boots clicking on the wooden floor in his direction. Rogue stops beside him and slides down beside him.

“Hey Pete,” she greets and Peter nods in acknowledgement. She stays silent for a few moments before speaking again. “I know it’s none of my business but….something is wrong with Kitty. She’s not herself, and neither is Logan,” she states and Peter looks at her in surprise.

“Kitty was my roommate when we were teenagers, Pete. Sure we didn’t get along at first but she’s my friend, I know when something is wrong with her,” she reminds him.

Peter drags a hand down his face tiredly. “I don’t know what I can tell you, Rogue,” he replies earnestly.

Rogue doesn’t look at him when she speaks. “She’s in love with him, isn’t she?”

Peter sighs. “No. Yes. Maybe,” he concedes. “It’s complicated.”

“How are you so…calm about that?” Rogue asks, surprised.

“Because she can’t help it,” he replies. “She-” Peter cuts himself off and looks at his team mate. Rogue was a friend, and had been a good friend for years. He trusted her with his life, and while he couldn’t tell her the whole truth- the future is a fragile thing, God knows what paradoxes could happen if too many people knew- he trusted she could keep a secret.

With another moment of hesitation, Peter tries to explain. “You’re right. There is something wrong with Kitty. She’s not herself, and her mind is…split. Sort of like amnesia,” he explains, and she nods. “Kitty- some day’s she’s here with us and she’s herself. Other days- something happened, or she thinks something happened, and she’s confused. She doesn’t remember these things, and I have to help her remember. Or try,” he adds sheepishly.

Rogue takes this revelation surprisingly well. “So some days she doesn’t remember that she loves you?”

Rogue’s words are like a knife to his heart, so all he can do is nod.

Rogue takes his hand and squeezes. “I’m sorry, Peter.”

Peter smiles at his friend. “So am I, Rogue. So am I.”

“So what do you do?” Rogue asks him curiously. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Bobby forgot he loved her. The pain would be horrendous.

“I…be there. I try to understand. And I try to get her to remember. And then I hope and pray that the recognition will come back, and that will be the last time she looks at me and she feels nothing,” Peter answers.

Rogue is stunned into silence for a second before responding. “Wow. You must really love her to try and get her to fall in love with you every day.”

Peter smiles and it’s heart-breaking. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out something that makes Rogue’s heart plummet. Holding an engagement ring in his hand, Peter finally chokes out the words. “I wouldn’t have had this in my pocket for months if I didn’t.”

 

X.x.X

“How….how did it happen?” you ask him one day. Peter looks up from the papers he’s grading, his jaw covered in stubble and his eyes tired. “Us, you mean?” he queries and you nod from your position cross legged on the bed. Peter caps his pen and leans back in his chair.

“Well we got close after being on the run from Stryker. The other kids were terrified. Crying and screaming. And you- all 5ft of you-” Peter ducks the pillow that’s thrown at his head, smirking before continuing- “Calm them down. You comforted them and kept them quiet so we wouldn’t be found as I tried to get us out of there. You weren’t even one of the oldest. But you took those kids under your wing and kept them calm and then just waltzed right up to me and asked what the plan was, and what you could do to help. Just like that. Like this was no big d deal.”

You nod similar memories resurfacing. “That sounds about right.”

You can’t help but wonder-

Where did it all go wrong?

X.x.X

 

_“You want me to what?” Peter asks incredulously of you._

_You know what is going through his head. You’re young, you’re small, and you’re breakable._

_But no more._

_“I want you to train me.”_

_“You’re already getting training. You’re marked down for being an X-Man as soon as you graduate,” he reminds you, and you tut impatiently._

_“Yeah and we both know that I’ve been an X-Man for a while now, they had no qualms about throwing half trained children into a war,” you shoot back and immediately regret it._

_Peter looks at you evenly. “We were already in a war, Kitty. They had no choice. We did.”_

_“And I would choose it over again,” you concede, following him across the danger room as he tidies his equipment away. “But-” You stand so you’re blocking him, as much as you can anyway. “-I want to be of more help. I want to be able to fight.”_

_“Storm is already training you for your ability, and Logan is already taking team training,” he reminds you and you feel yourself bristle._

_“I know, Peter, I am there,” you grit out. “I know you’ve taken classes outside of the institute and can teach me other things.”_

_“Like what?” Peter asks exasperatedly, “I’m not a teacher. Not yet, anyway.”_

_“I need you to teach me self-defence, alright?” you blurt out, frustrated. Peter pauses in his packing and looks at you._

_“Why do you need to know self-defence?” he asks curiously and you scuff your shoes on the floor._

_“I’m a girl, I’m tiny, I have no weight. I have nothing working for me. And enemies aren’t always people you can use your powers on. Out there,” you gesture vaguely to the direction of outside- “I’m shark bait.”_

_Peter examines your face and shakes his head. “No.”_

_“No? No what?”_

_“No, that’s not the reason you want to learn,” he surmises. “What is it, Kitty? What’s wrong?”_

_“I’m weak, okay?!” you yell, and both of you are shocked by the outburst. “When Stryker invaded the Institute there was nothing I could do to stop it or to fight back. The only two that fought back were you and Logan. I’m weak and my powers don’t give me strength or anything helpful or useful in defeating someone in close quarter combat. I’m weak and I’m useless and really I managed to survive the battle at Alcatraz by sheer dumb luck. If I go back out there without the right skill set, I’m going to get myself killed,” you say angrily. “I would die for good and to help people. But I want to at least be able to take some of them out with me,” you explain, feeling idiotic for your outburst. Peter considers you._

_“Okay,” he replies slowly. You perk up._

_“Okay?” you repeat, and he nods and looks more convicted._

_“Okay. Yes. I’ll train you. But we do things my way, and I’ll have to cater it to suit your size and weight. You’re small, agile and fast. That helps. And along with your phasing ability? Kitty you may not be strong, but you’ll be able to hold your own.”_

X.x.X            

“Did I love him here?” you ask Peter as you’re driving into town to get supplies. He’s driving and wearing sunglasses to protect his eyes from the sun threatening to melt the snow.

“No, not really. You had a crush on him as a teenager- a pretty big one, it seemed. Still Bobby was with Rogue and had no clue, really, and you were hurt and turned to me for friendship. It seemed that in your fascination with Bobby you missed what was staring you right in the face,” he says quietly and you have to look away. “We were friends for years before- before I was even able to admit to myself I had feelings for you.” Not missing you stiffen out of the corner of his eye he elaborates. “You were seventeen, I was twenty two. At one point I was your teacher. It would have been highly inappropriate- it was inappropriate. But,” he shrugs before glancing at you quickly, “forbidden fruit and all that,” he finished, and his words sound more like a promise than a casual phrase.

A few moments of silence pass before you speak again, peering out the window at the familiar snow covering the shops. “I’ll need to stop and get you some more sunglasses in there again, those ones look ready to bust off your fat head,” you joke. When you get no reaction you turn around. “Come on, Peter, I was only kidding-” you cut off when you see the expression on his face as he quickly pulls into a parking space on the side of the road, haphazardly breaking. “Peter? What’s wrong?” you ask, concern growing. You fumble with your seatbelt and slide closer to him swiftly taking off the sunglasses and discarding them, your hands cupping his face, searching his eyes for an answer. He places his hands over yours and shudders a breath. “Katya,” he says, his voice caught, “you got me those sunglasses a year ago.”

The weight behind what Peter is saying is not lost on you.

You remember getting them before the other future happened.

You remembered part of this future.

X.x.X

Bobby brings you flowers when you’re in the hospital room recovering.

He comes at least once a day, if only for a few minutes. Some day’s you’re too tired and too far gone so you just listen to him talk about his day. Your strength comes back and so does your voice, and you find yourself able to talk to him about when you were younger, memories you share and new ones he tells you of, and you’re glad that even if you’re not with Bobby, you’re not nothing to him either. One day as his visit is wrapping up and he’s making to leave, you find the courage to ask him. “Hey, Bobby?” you ask and he ‘hum’s in recognition. “Do you ever think- that… in a parallel universe, or something...we would have ended up together?” Bobby looks at you oddly, but deems the weird question to come from the painkillers you’re on. “You and me?” he repeats and you nod. Bobby chuckles as he heads for the door. “Now that would be crazy. See ya later, Kitty,” he replies as he leaves.

“Yeah,” you say softly, “crazy.”

 

 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! New update. Some action, yay! Hope you enjoy. :)  
> (Real talk though is anyone reading this, tough crowd.) 
> 
> Song Recommendation: Seven Devils by Florence + The Machine.

Chapter Nine.

Holy water cannot help you now  
Thousand armies couldn't keep me out  
I don't want your money  
I don't want your crown  
See I've come to burn your kingdom down.  
-‘Seven Devils’, Florence + The Machine

 

X.x.X

 

“What’s happening?” you ask when you arrive back at your room to find Peter rooting through a drawer and pulling out his X suit.   
“Juggernaut. He’s on a mass bank robbing session, he’s broken out of the secure facility he was in.”  
“I’m going with you,” you state and Peter grabs the suit and heads out the door. You follow him and frown when he replies.  
“Like hell you are.”  
“What’s the problem? You need X Men, I’m an X-Woman, problem solved.”  
“You’re not going, Kitty.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, Peter, I’ve faced him before,” you throw back sharply, eyes narrowed.  
Peter rubs the back of his neck, frustrated. “And you only lived because of Jimmy. He’s an unstoppable force, Kitty,” he reminds you and you glare at him.  
“Therefore you need more people to stop him.”  
“Kitty, please stay at home,” he pleads and you shake your head.  
“You’re not leaving without me. I’m going with you, whether you like it or not.”

By this stage you’ve both reached the rest of the team who were going- there would be quite a turn out for Juggernaut, it seemed, with Storm and Logan already there and Jean and Scott fast approaching. “Are you coming?” Storm asks you, and you say yes the same time Peter says no.  
Storm looks at you both oddly- assuming it was a lovers spat, probably- and Logan intercepts. “Suit up, Kid.”  
Peter looks at him in dismay. “You can’t be serious.”

“As the plague,” Logan deadpans, then sighs. “She’s good. We could use her.”  
“Kitty’s always been defence, that’s what her powers lend to,” Peter points out and you catch Logan’s eye for a second before you have to look away.   
“Not anymore,” he answers shortly, and within five minutes you’re suited up, debriefed and sitting on the jet. 

X.x.X

It’s ironic, you can’t help but think as you crouch behind a car to catch your breath, that your first defeat in battle is now completely whooping your ass, even with six against him.   
No amount of training in the Danger Room has prepared you for this- there isn’t the chaos there was at Alcatraz, the distraction of the battle raging outside or Jimmy there to help you stop him.   
You phase quickly as Storm is flung through you and lands on the asphalt just behind you. You scramble to help her up and she winces, breathing heavily. 

“We can’t stop him, nothing is working,” your mentor breathes and you peek over the car at your enemy. Juggernaut is currently facing off Jean, who is trying to contain him enough to at least slow him down. You examine the situation quickly and an idea dawns on you.  
“He’s not that strong, that’s not part of his mutation,” you mutter, eyes flitting to Juggernaut again. “He must be on some kind of juice or something.”  
Storm’s face lights up in recognition as she sees where you’re going with this. “The helmet.”

You nod and launch yourself onto the hood of the car. “If we can detach his helmet, we might be able to slow him down.” Storm signals Jean as she falls back, unable to keep Juggernaut down any longer. Logan steps up immediately, claws out and snarling, slashing at him. Jean’s head snaps in your direction, having heard the thoughts you and Storm were projecting. She nods and shuts her eyes momentarily, and you feel her power wash over you all as she informs every one of the idea.   
The ground shakes slightly as Peter collides with Juggernaut in metal form, and you can’t help but wince. However you keep going- fretting won’t get the job done. 

You’re all giving it everything you have but it isn’t enough, you and Scott are trying to keep him away from any civilians, him blasting anything that gets close to them and you protecting anyone who finds themselves in the way. You’ve just grabbed a child that was about to be hit by a piece of debris and phased until it had smashed to a stop behind him, ushering him back to his mother as you hear an almighty ‘clang’ and Peter is flung through the air, smashed through a window and he doesn’t get up. Your heart pounding, you yell “Peter?!” into your comms and get a grunt in response, and knowing he’s alive lifts a weight off you. 

You scan around for your team, scattered to the wayside. Scott is currently the only one left standing, his beams bouncing off Juggernaut’s helmet without doing much damage as he stalks towards him. Jean is limping towards them- it looks like her ankle is broken by the way she’s walking- her hands outstretched, repelling any beams from bouncing towards anyone. Storm is stirring somewhere nearby, Logan crouched by her side. 

With his back to you, Juggernaut is closing in on Scott, angrily swotting Jean to the side like a fly. “Is that all you’ve got?” he sneers and as Jean cries out you’re already powering towards him when he lunges forward for Scott’s head. You propel yourself off the bonnet of the closest car to its roof and wrap yourself around Juggernaut’s neck, your thighs clamped tightly on him as you deftly fiddle with the locks on his helmet. Feeling him reach for you, you jerk back hoping to gain enough momentum to throw him- you may not have much weight, but Peter had taught you to use what you had, and speed was normally on your side-and his helmet sways slightly but there was still one lock you hadn’t managed to pry lose. Desperately you twist as you fall to try and catch the lock but his hand shoots out and catches you by the throat, immediately pressing you into the wall, knocking your head so hard you see stars. 

Your breath is taken away sharply and you bring your hands to his to try and alleviate the pressure, your feet dangling above the ground.   
“You’re what? The grand reveal? A little girl?” he sneers, squeezing tighter. You claw at his hands with one hand and let the other fall to his chest. He glances at you and barks a laugh. “What are you going to do, little girl? Hit me? Go crying to your friends?” 

You glare at him and ground out “Drop dead.” Then with all the force you can muster, you push your hand into his chest and through his rib cage and grab his heart.  
He wasn’t expecting that, you can tell from the expression on his face and his pressure on your throat loosens slightly, enough for you to say, “Let me go, now.”  
He grunts and loosens his grip and you land on your feet with a thump, gasping for air. You keep your hand in his chest, the rest of your body phasing every time he tried to grab for you. You squeeze even harder, watching his skin pale and his knees buckle, and for the first time you see fear in Cain Marco’s face. He falls to his knees and Scott says sharply, “that’s enough, Kitty.”

You don’t even look at your teammate, instead keeping your eyes trained on Marco. “Look at the destruction he’s caused,” you say flatly, a sick fascination overtaking you as watch the life drain out of Cain Marco, his heart thumping irregularly in your hand. “Is it enough?”  
Scott’s voice tinges with desperation as the others start to regroup around you. “That’s an order, Kitty.” When you don’t let up, he barks “Kitty, stop.”  
“You’re a bad person,” you whisper to Juggernaut as he looks up at you, wide eyed. “I would be doing the world a favour.”  
But, you realise, you wouldn’t be doing yourself any. 

You glance back at the little boy you’d rescued, looking at you in wide eyed horror. You’d gotten that look before- being a mutant meant it was part of daily life. But never for any real reason. Never for anything you had done.   
Shaking your head, give a final squeeze until Juggernaut’s eyes shut and he falls to the ground as you phase your hand out of him.  
“He’s passed out and all yours,” you inform Jean as you reach to unbuckle the last lock and take off his helmet before walking away past your team who are looking at you like they don’t know who you are.  
And they don’t.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoy this update. :)
> 
> Song Recommendation: Hurt by Johnny Cash.

Chapter Ten.

 

I wear this crown of thorns  
Upon my liars chair  
Full of broken thoughts  
I cannot repair  
-‘Hurt’, Johnny Cash.

 

X.x.X

“What were you thinking?” The Professor explodes at you- deservedly, you must admit- in his office when you all get back. You had just enough time to step foot through the door and watch as Jean, Storm and Peter were carted off to medical before one of the kids tells you the Professor wants you.

“I was thinking that Marco was about to crush Scott’s skull,” you reply calmly.

“I’m sure he was handling it-”

“Everyone was down, Charles, I saw a shot and I took it,” you argue back.

“We don’t kill, Katherine,” Charles shoots back sternly, and you can’t help but feel like you’re thirteen and talking to him for the first time. But you’re not. You’ve been here over ten years, and you’ve earned your place.

“I _know,_ ” you stress. “That’s why I didn’t. I knocked him unconscious which was the only way we could stop him.”

The Professor looks at you evenly. “That’s not how the others see it.”

“Yes,” you exclaim, “I slipped up. I nearly killed him, but I didn’t,” you stress. The Professor makes a noncommittal noise.

“That’s what worries me. That you could have.”

You sit down in one of the chairs in his office, sighing. “Look, Charles, maybe. Maybe I could have. But I didn’t. Things are different now, here, and….I need to accept that and try and go by the way things roll here.”

The Professor relaxes. “I’m glad that you’ve come to that conclusion. But we don’t kill, Kitty. We’re the good guys.”

You tilt your head in acknowledgement, but have to disagree. “What if there are no good guys?” you ask, and you are distinctly aware that while you may do good deeds and fight ‘evil’- you aren’t a good person. You’re selfish and self-centred, stubborn and at times uncaring about how others feel- but you’re working on it. Charles is looking at you, not doubt examining every thought.

“Perhaps we’ll just have to wait and see,” he concludes, “it is times like these- times we are tested- that make or break us, Kitty. And really only you have the power to decide which it will be.”

You stand to leave heading for the door when he speaks again. “I suppose, as your head teacher, I have to praise you on your- innovative work today,” he says begrudgingly. “It got the job done and stopped endless damage. That fighting style is- well it’s unique,” he admits and you have to smirk. “But I will have to advise you don’t try anything like that again,” he warns and you turn to look at him.

“With all due respect, Professor, it’s not a choice. If it came down to saving a life of my teammate or theirs, I would choose my people every time.”

 

X.x.X

The walk to medical is a long and solitary one, but necessary. You can’t leave things the way you did with your team, you don’t like that taste of regret in your mouth. You pass Logan coming from medical, who grabs your arm to stop you before you go. “I would have done the same thing, kid,” he mutters to you, “if I was able to get through his armour I would have done the same damn thing.”

You gave him a small smile- it’s a small comradery that the two of you alone share. Logan knows what it’s like, that fight for survival and the willingness to do what needs to be done- before he releases you and walks away. You watch him disappear around the corner and not for the first time wonder how he’s coping so well. But then again- Logan has watched empires rise and fall, lived through more wars than he would ever tell and suffered more pain than any one person should. He was adaptable in a way you could only ever hope to be.

Strengthening your resolve, you stand in front of the doors and they sweep open revealing Hank McCoy in a doctor’s coat, pacing between three beds containing Jean, Storm and Peter, with Scott in a chair beside Jean. Jean’s ankle has been bandaged and was propped up as she chatted to her husband. Storm was having her eyes examined by Hank who was shining a light into them before giving her nod and a pat on the shoulder. No concussion then, you suppose. Your eyes drift to the third and final bed, a distance away. Peter was shirtless, his torso wrapped bandages and determinedly not looking at you. Your heart sinking, you go to stand between Jean and Storm’s beds to explain what happened as best you could, explain that it was a slip up and it’ll never happen again. Scott especially looks wary, but you’d never caused much trouble and were an established member of the team. You weren’t entirely sure what the main story about you was that was going round- be it depression, a break or relationship troubles, or a quarter life crisis- but they obviously hold this into account and you get away with it. Scott thanks you for having his back and you leave it at that.

Knowing the next conversation you’re about to have with be infinitely harder, you take a deep breath and notice that Jean has put a soundproof barrier between you and Peter and the rest of them. You shoot her a smile over your shoulder before phasing through the curtain to Peter. Peter is struggling to sit up and gingerly put on a hoodie, grimacing. “Woah, woah, woah,” you intercept, hurrying towards him, “where do you think you’re going?”

He doesn’t look at you when he answers curtly, “home.”

You gently shove him back down into the bed, examining the bandages at his ribs carefully. “And whose discharging you?” you demand.

Peter shrugs you off, mumbling “me.”

“Yeah, no way,” you retort. “You have a broken rib. _You._ I don’t even want to think about how hard he must have kicked you,” you shuddered and can’t help but think that the unstoppable force met the immovable mountain today.

“I’m fine,” he mutters and you reach for him.

“At least let me help you-”

“I think you’ve done enough,” Peter says sharply and your hand drops.

“Peter-” you start. To explain. To deny it. To stop him.

“ _No, Kitty._ You may miss your old life, but you crossed a line.”

“He was going to kill Scott-” you protest, and he gives you a look.

“So you almost kill him? _An eye for an eye_ is it now? That is not how we operate, we have never operated like that and you know it.”

You throw your hands up in the air, frustrated. “I screwed up, I know. How many times can I say it?”

“You would have done it, wouldn’t you?” he asks quietly. He doesn’t elaborate. He doesn’t have to. You look away, ashamed. You would have. You both know you would have.

“That wouldn’t have been the first time, would it?” he asks and you swallow hard and look at him.

“No,” you whisper, “that wouldn’t have been the first time someone died because of me.”

Peter examines you and then looks away. “You’re really not her, are you?” he asks finally. “You’re really not Katya.”

You can barely look at him it hurts so much. Peter had never looked small until that moment. He looked like he was about to shatter- and you were going to give the final blow.

“No,” you say eventually. “No I’m not.”

Peter turns away from you in the bed, saying “I want to be alone right now.”

For once you’re able to give Peter what he wants.

X.x.X

 

_“No!” You shout desperately, “Leave him alone!”_

_Your yells fall on deaf ears, though you know your words weren’t carried away by the torrential rain- the men surrounding you simply didn’t care. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Yes it was summer and it’s raining, but that’s not what you mean. You had just closed up the bookstore you’d been working in all summer- you’d needed a reason to stay at the Institute during the summer, so between your job and summer college classes in Computing and Physics to bulk up your resume and ‘get a jump start on college’ your parents had to let you stay- to find the vicinity empty. This was odd, as Peter had suggested walking home together- he had art supplies to get at the nearby shop. Peter’s timekeeping skills were usually fine, so when five minutes had past you began to get restless. Figuring he must have gotten caught up talking to the shopkeeper, Dimitri, you head in the direction of the art supply shop._

_Shivering from the biting rain that’s pierced your jacket, you walk quickly in the direction of the art store, but slow to a halt when you hear the unmistakable sounds of a fist crunching a nose. You hear a groan, and you approach the mouth of an alley with caution. You take in the sight quickly- three men- two tall and lean, one of average height and bulky- surrounding Peter who had his hands out- in surrender, palms up, not in fists- and his face was bleeding._

_“Come on, Tin-Man, do it. Show us what you got,” the stocky man sneered, and Peter grimaced, deflecting a blow._

_“I don’t want to hurt you,” he urges, and you hear sharp laughter._

_“Give us a challenge, Tin-Man. Or was all that at Alcatraz just for show?”_

_Your eyes narrow and you surge forward into the alley. Peter sees you first, his eyes widening fractionally as you rush up the alley, tapping the stocky guy on the shoulder before phasing through him and punching him in the face. Hearing another one charge at you while the first stumbles and powers forward again, you throw yourself out of the way as they collide together. “Looks like we’ve got ourselves another mutant,” one spits out. You scramble to your feet to see Peter fending off blows. The tallest guy knees Peter so hard he bends double, and you can’t help the yelp that escapes your mouth. You jerk forward- to help him, to protect him, to beat the shit out of that jerk- when an arm wraps itself around your throat tightly. You’re about to phase out when you hear the click of a gun. “Uh, uh uh,” one tsks, and with horror you realise that the gun isn’t pointed at you, but it’s trained on Peter. He’s half crouched, ready to spring but now frozen. “One move, ghost girl, and tin man gets a bullet to his brain.”_

_You freeze completely and Peter narrows his eyes and is about to break free of the hold that one of the men has on him when the arm around your throat tightens. “You move, Tin-Man, and Davy here cracks her neck.”_

_A feeling of panic takes hold of you, not for your life but for Peter’s. You can phase out of your captors arms but can Peter dodge a bullet in time? Can he armour up in time with a bullet flying towards him at that speed? You see Peter eying up the gun and know he’s wondering the same thing. “You muties think you’re so tough,” one snarls, “You think you’re heroes. You think you’re_ special. _All you are is a bunch of kids playing God.”_

_“We don’t want any trouble,” Peter says evenly, “how about you just let us go.”_

_“Let you go? What? So more people can die because of you?”_

_“We didn’t want to hurt anyone, we were trying to protect you-” you exclaim before being cut off by the arm tightening._

_“Like we needs you to protect us,” the stocky one sneers. “We need protected from you. You’re scum.”_

_Peter narrows his eyes, and glances from the gun to you. You see the panic in his eyes- hidden, if you didn’t know him you wouldn’t see it- and he tries to communicate with you through his eyes. You know he’s trying to tell you to run, to get away and just get out of here, but you can’t and you won’t, because he’ll get hurt. You shake your head slightly and widen your eyes at him, trying to convey that you’re staying and you can get out of this. Vaguely unscathed. Peter huffs and you see him hold up two fingers at his side, then do what looks like a bizarre form of rock paper scissors- but you know better. Hoping this will work, you blink twice to confirm you understand and immediately you both bounce into action._

_You phase out of the man’s arms as Peter breaks free from the hold he’s in, and you dive for the drunk with the gun, struggling to grab the gun off him. The other man is trying to pull you back and you feel his hand tear at your jacket, but you ignore him and kick the gun out of the drunk’s hands. The second grabs your legs and drags you towards him and you writhe and try to grabble at anything to gain purchase, his hands working their way up your legs and you grunt, digging your thumbs into his eyeballs as he leans on top of you, his weight pressing you into the concrete until it wasn’t. Then he’s on his hands and knees stuck in the ground and you’re reappearing a few feet away. You whirl to see Peter with his back to you, grabbling with the largest man, and to your horror you see the drunk aiming unsteadily at Peter’s back, his very human back- he still didn’t want to hurt these thugs._

_You launch yourself at Peter as fast as you can, hoping to beat the bullet that’s sure to come. You have to stay solid until you get to him, otherwise you’d just go through him. You throw yourself at him protectively, enveloping him in your arms and you feel the bullet whizz through you both with only a slight searing sensation in your shoulder. When all the bullets have been fired and all there is is the sound of empty shells clicking, Peter head-butts the first guy and you untangle yourself from him as he charges at the one with the gun, his fist colliding with his face, knocking him to the ground._

_Peter turns back to you quickly, and calls to you, “Are you alright?”_

_You nod, leaning against the brick wall, grimacing. “I’m fine.”_

_Not really, you got grazed by a bullet, were assaulted, feel like you could sleep for a week and know you’re going to be covered in bruises for at least a month, but you’re still here._

_Peter stalks towards you, kicking the man you had trapped in the ground as he goes. “Then what the hell were you thinking?” he exclaims._

_“I was helping you! And why the hell were you not kicking the crap out of them?” you demand icily, hurt by his disgust._

_“We don’t do that, they were idiots. And you could have got yourself killed!”_

_“If I had ran away, you_ would _have been killed, you big idiot!” you snap, standing up right._

_“I could handle it,” he said tightly, and you snort and march towards the mouth of the alley and start heading home._

_“Yeah, that’s what it looked like.”_

_“What is that supposed to mean?” he asks sharply, his footsteps falling beside your own._

_You keep your arms crossed over your chest as you answer. “When I arrived you had been cornered by three bums, not exactly a good image,” you mutter and Peter barks a laugh._

_“There’s a difference better having power and knowing when to use it, Pryde,” he retorts and you roll your eyes._

_“Yeah, like that isn’t some philosophical bullshit, Rasputin.”_

_You can feel Peter glowering at your head. “I’m an X-Man, Kitty, you’re still a student. You aren’t fully trained, you could have got yourself killed.”_

_“I saved your life!” you exclaim, frustrated. “A ‘thank you’ would be nice, or maybe even a ‘good job’ or a ‘sorry you got shot’-”_

_“Sarcasm gets you nowhere- wait, you got shot?” he asks sharply and you realise your mistake. Stupid mouth._

_“No, I’m fine,” you insist. Peter stops, blocking your path._

_“How bad is it?” he demands and you shrug your good shoulder._

_“It grazed my shoulder, it was a clean shot. Plus it literally just grazed me before I phased. I’ll live.”_

_Peter pauses in his tirade and examines your shoulder before being satisfied that you wouldn’t bleed out before you got home. He continued walking but more slowly, eying you up. “Let’s get you home,” he says shortly, scanning ahead of him._

_“I’ll be fine,” you insist._

_“I know,” Peter says ruefully._

_You’re halfway home before he says “thank you.”_

_Without a second thought you say “you’re welcome,” and you know you’d do it all over again._

 

 

 


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this is up late so you're getting a double update today! Silly me left my laptop in my student house mid week and I had to go home for a few days. Life happens, sorry! I hope you enjoy. :) 
> 
> Song Recommendation: I Believe In A Thing Called Love, The Darkness (Branches Cover)

Chapter Eleven.

 

I believe in a thing called love  
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart  
There's a chance we could make it now.

-‘I Believe In A Thing Called Love’, The Darkness (Branches cover)

 

X.x.X

 

_“Are you sure about this?” he asks you, bandaging his hands then passing the tape to you. You take it with a nod, gesturing to the building crowd of students. You graduated from the school a year and are back from college for summer vacation. Your parents offered for you to come home- you’re sure they would have preferred it- but the Institute had started to feel more like home. Plus you had a promise to keep, people to see and a battle to win. You’d never been able to beat Peter in all the years you’d trained with him- and you started when you were seventeen. But you’d done some training of your own when you were away and in the few sparring sessions you’d had since you came home you’d come close once or twice. Peter was now a fully-fledged teacher and X-man, an opportunity that had been offered to you as soon as you graduated but you declined for the meantime knowing that your parents wouldn’t buy ‘hey mom and dad, I’m deferring from college to fight dangerous people with my powers. Who needs an education?’_

_That would not go down well._

_So that you wouldn’t be murdered by your parents, you went to a university about three hours away from the Institute, meaning you still had people close by. Not wanting to get behind in training you kept up with it as well as dance at your college, as well as your own training. Determination coursing through you, you nudge him. “Positive.”_

_Walking away from the bench together, you acknowledge the sniggers of some of the older kids of the bunch. “Okay, so, we’re going to try something a little different today,” you announce to the class. “Some of you may know me, some of you may not. I’m Kitty Pryde, and I was a student here until last year. I’m 19, I’m 5”1 and weigh roughly 110lbs. Peter here,” you gesture to your comrade, standing tall with his arms folded across his chest, “Is 24, 6”8 and weighs far too much in my opinion,” you tease and he rolls his eyes. “So,” you address the crowd, “who thinks I can take Peter in a fight?” There was silence in the room, and you nod in acknowledgement._

_“Well today is the day we see if she can,” Peter concludes, gesturing for them to stand away from the makeshift ring. You face off, bouncing on the balls of your feet as Peter moves into position. He nods at you with a small smirk that you match with one of your own. With steel in his eyes he charges at you and you make a break for him, dropping to the floor and sliding between his legs at the last second. Having anticipated this move- you always go low, it seemed- Peter reaches down for you quickly, and you use his momentum as he grabs your arms as he swings you up you tuck up your legs then release them as hard as you can into his chest, winding him. He lets go of your wrists in surprise and you topple to the ground, using your hands to backflip into a standing position._

_Peter cracks his neck and you go at it again. He’s holding back, not using the full strength of his powers on you, this isn’t about that. Instead he’s using his normal strength level- which is still making it difficult to beat him. You side step the first two swings he takes, twirling into a high kick to his side. He stumbles slightly, and you feel the atmosphere change. He lunges to the side suddenly, swiping low and your legs are swept out from under you. You lose your breath for a second, but knowing if you stay down you’ll lose, you quickly tuck behind him and elbow him in the back of the knees, enough to make him falter and it gives you enough time to get up and back into position. You move quickly, ducking and darting around him, both of you sending some solid hits and blows. He gets a hit on your leg that you’re pretty sure will bruise for a week and you stumble forward and try to evade Peter’s next grab but he takes your arms and twists them behind your back, painful, but not enough to do any real damage._

_“Give up yet?” he asks smugly, his chest barely heaving behind you._

_You shake your head. “Never.”_

_With that you phase quickly through his arms, spinning and shooting your hand up to punch him in the throat, then snap your elbow into his chest, winding him. He wavers and you promptly knee him in the groin, earning a giggle from the students. As he leans forward, his hands coming down, you spring, lodging your foot in his hand and pushing yourself up, your hands gripping his shoulders as you swing your legs up onto his shoulders and around his neck, faltering his already wavering balance, leaning your weight forward to drag him forward._

_As you expected, he leans back to steady himself, and you concentrate on phasing his feet through the floor and then lean back sharply, your thighs squeezed around Peter’s neck as he falls backwards to the floor with a thump. You hear the students gasp as you disappear and reappear up through the ground near Peter’s feet. Satisfied, you flash him a triumph grin. “What was that about giving up?”_

_Peter begrudgingly thumps the floor in defeat and you lean down and take Peter’s hand to help him up, his feet landing on solid ground. “First rule of beating the unbeatable opponent,” you announce to the gobsmacked class, “there are no rules. The people you’re fighting out there won’t hold back, and neither should you. You use whatever resources and skills you have and non-lethal force to take them down.”_

_Peter continues for you. “I know it may be intimidating if you see someone as big as me come at you, but strength and size doesn’t necessarily mean the bigger person would win. Speed and agility can be just as good, if not better.”_

_“Use their strength and turn it into a weakness,” you reaffirm. “Exploit that. Most likely, if they see someone small coming to fight them, they’ll think they’re weak.” You turn your eyes to meet the gaze of everyone. “Prove them wrong.”_

_As the session ends and everyone files out, you can’t help but smile when you overhear one student muttering to another, “she used him like a freaking climbing frame.”_

_You stroll over to Peter, whose looking at you amusedly. “Got something to say, Kitty?” he asks and you grin, jumping up and down in triumph._

_“HA!” you cackle, clapping. “I took you down. I, Kitty Pryde, actually physically took down Peter Rasputin.”_

_Peter rolls his eyes. “Don’t get used to it, Katya, I wasn’t expecting that phasing stunt you pulled,” he stated and it’s your turn to roll your eyes._

_“Please, you’re just pissed I caught you off guard and pulled a fast one on you- wait, Katya?” you ask in confusion, and Peter turns red._

_“It’s a nickname,” he explains, embarrassed. “It’s Russian. It was a slip of the tongue, sorry,” he apologises and you shake your head._

_“No,” you say slowly. “No, don’t be sorry. I like it. It sounds….beautiful.”_

_“Yes,” he agrees, glancing at you. “It is.” Taking the tape off his hands, he speaks again. “So,” he says causally, “I wasn’t expecting that foot thing.” You winced and pull a face._

_“Yeah, sorry about…that whole thing,” you gesture to him, feeling the heat rush to your own face._

_“No, don’t be,” he coughs. “It was…efficient.” You gesture your head in agreement and Peter speaks again. “And I really wasn’t expecting the…thigh thing,” he gestures and you grin._

_“Yeah, sorry about that Pete. We’d been working on me being able to flip you but it just wasn’t working, and this does.”_

_“And do you practice that with all your sparring partners?” he asks teasingly and you frown._

_“No, actually. The only other person I’ve done it with is my dance partner.”_

_Peter- who had been drinking from a water bottle- nearly choked. “You tried that death grip on your dance partner?” he asks incredulously, and you can’t help but laugh._

_“No, god no. We were practicing a move similar- it was a dismount in practice, actually- where I’m supporting myself on his shoulders, lost my balance and wrapped myself around him on instinct and brought us both crashing down. Not graceful,” you surmise, “but as you say- efficient. He became my human Guinea pig.”_

_“Glad you found him so helpful,” Peter says stiffly, and you snort at his petty jealousy._

_“Yeah, his_ boyfriend _finds him helpful too.”_

_Peter winces, realising he was being jealous. “Sorry,” he mutters and you shrug._

_“Don’t be. I’m sure Dave will get over it, and he’s probably just happy I’m not torturing him anymore.” Silence over takes the two of you as you pack and tidy in silence, and when it’s done and everything is away, you speak up after a moment’s hesitation._

_“So,” you ask, “what do I win?”_

_Peter cocks his head at you. “Pardon?”_

_“I beat you in a fight, I should get a prize,” you state._

_Peter laughs, shaking his head. “Okay then. What do you want?”_

_You bite your lip and nod your head. “You dropped something down there, Pete,” you say and he bends to pick it up, and as he’s getting back up you lurch forward and kiss him square on the mouth. Peter drops his gym bag in surprise and his arms instinctively wrap around you as he stands, fitting together the way you always should have. When you break away, Peter looks at you in confusion._

_“Bobby?” he questions, having known about your crush for years. You shake your head, your hands caressing his face._

_“Nope. Never, really. I guess it just took going away to see what was there all along,” you say shyly, willing him to believe you._

_“Katya,” he says roughly, “what do you want?”_

_You smile up at him and with total certainty in your voice, you answer him. “You, Piotr. I want you.”_

_Peter breathes shakily, searching your face. “Say that again.”_

_“I want_ you, Piotr.”

_Hearing you say those words and his name in his mother tongue seems to light something within him, and he’s leaning down and pressing his lips to yours with urgency. When you finally part again, he sighs into your hair. “I’ve been waiting a long time for you to say that.”_


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's the chapter due up today. Again, sorry! This chapter has one of my favourite scenes from this and was one of my favourites to write. I got inspiration from Astonishing X-Men Issue 13 (I think!) I hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> Song Recommendation: The Rules For Lovers by Richard Walters.

Chapter Twelve.

 

With, without   
We trust, we doubt   
To find, to lose   
We hurt, we bruise   
The hand, the heart   
An end, a start   
  
Who decides the rules for lovers like you and I? 

-‘The Rules For Lovers’ Richard Walters.

X.x.X              

 

You stumble out of the medical wing and through the rest of your day, mechanically going through your class, noticeably subdued. Word had got out that Mr Rasputin was injured in the last mission, so nobody was overly surprised.

Except you, when you hear a knock on the door after your class had left and are greeted by Rogue. “Hey,” she greets and after a beat you respond.

“Hey, Rogue.”

It’s awkward for you, being around Rogue, as she’d always had what you’d wanted. Jealousy was involved, and you’d convinced yourself she was a selfish cow, the villain in your and Bobby’s happy ending at first, then the dark shadow of guilt hanging around after you finally got together. Even at that, it was because of her. Even if being around her hurt- a constant reminder Bobby wasn’t and never would be yours- the pain had subsided to a dull occasional ache, replaced by the happiness you found that you felt at the fact that there was _life_ here, so many heartbeats at the mansion, thriving and full of life, the way it always should be. So you can’t find it in you to hate her, not that you ever had anything but petty reasons to in the first place.

She leans in the doorway for a second before pushing into the room, and you can’t help but get the feeling this is just as awkward for her as it is for you. “Do you have a minute?” she asks and you nod hesitantly.

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

Rogue sits on one of the desks, leaning forward. “I heard Pete was injured today, is he alright?” she asks and you stiffen.

“He’ll be fine, as far as I know,” you reply shortly, and she sighs.

“Kitty-” Rogue starts and you shoot her an icy glare.

“It’s really none of your business, Rogue,” you snap, and she looks at you evenly.

“You’re right. It’s none of my business. But he’s my friend, Kitty, and whether you believe it or not, so are you.”

_Believe it or not._

Do you believe it?

Do you not?

You’re exhausted at this point, because you don’t know what you believe. You don’t know what you believe to be your world- the desolate future that never happened, or this one, a strange reality to you but one that you’ve found a home in non-the-less.

You don’t know who you believe you love- Bobby or Peter? Both are yours and neither are yours.

Most importantly of all- you don’t know who you are.

Are you the gentle teacher the children think you are, the one they’ll come to if they’re homesick and need someone to talk to, or are you a war-torn woman, willing to do whatever it took to stay alive?

You half think maybe this is your price, this is how you atone for the sins of the other future, and that this is what you deserve.

You slump against your desk, very little fight left in you. “He hates me, Rogue,” you say miserably. “He’s all I have here and he hates me. And he has every right to. I’ve been awful. I just…haven’t been myself, not that that’s an excuse.”

Rogue pauses before speaking, clearly choosing her words carefully. “Pete…well Peter will put up with so much,” she states hesitantly, “he’s patient, and kind. But even the best people’s patience can wear thin.”

“I just- I feel like I’m trying, but I’m always doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing- he deserves better. Peter deserves better,” you realise.

Rogue rolls her eyes. “Give me a break, Kitty.”

You blink at her, shocked at her outburst. “Excuse me?”

Rogue stands with a hand on her hip and says “you’re complaining about how things are at the minute- Peter hates you, you think you’re awful, you don’t know who you are- I get it. I’ve been there. But you need to pull yourself together, Kitty, or you’re going to lose everything. You’re going to lose Peter. Do you want that to happen?” the other girl demands, and you falter.

“I-”

“Do you?” she presses, an eyebrow raised.

“I don’t deserve him,” you shoot at her exasperatedly. “He could do so much better.”

Rogue tilts her head in acknowledgement of that, but gives you a small smile. “Yeah,” she agrees, “maybe he could. But he doesn’t want anyone else,” she shrugs. “He wants you.” Rogue sways to jut out her other hip, striding confidently towards you. “The question is,” she concludes slowly. “Are you willing to fight for him, Kitty cat? Or are you going to phase out of his life as quickly as you can out of this room?” her eyes hold a challenge, just the right amount of it- enough to make you want to fight. Enough to give you that drive. Enough to fuel you to get ready for a whole new kind of battle.

You stand up and straighten to your full height- not that it’s a lot, Rogue has at least a few inches on you, but her face changes into something resembling approval. “What do I do?” you ask determinedly.

 

X.x.X

 

“How did we- when did the others find out?” you query hesitantly. Peter grimaces and rubs the back of his neck.

“Well, it was…bad,” he starts, “and it started before we even did.”

_You descend into the kitchen with Peter after one of your early training session, ravenous, as always. Peter works you hard- sometimes hard enough to rival Logan himself- and you always come away aching but happy in the knowledge you’re working harder, getting stronger, becoming faster. He’s laughing at you falling on your ass at least four times on your attempts to flip him, and you cover your face in embarrassment, but you’re laughing too. Your laughter falls short at the sight of a stony faced Logan, sipping coffee at the kitchen table. He still manages to give you a fright sometimes, and you titter a nervous laugh. “Hey Mr. Logan,” you greet and make your way to the cupboard and grab a bowl out of it._

_Logan’s gaze shifts from you to Peter, and you frown at him, wondering why he’s looking at you weird. Oh God, is he mad you didn’t ask him for extra lessons and turned to Peter? You don’t want him mad at you over that. He’s already a hardass trainer, you don’t want him being extra tough on you. “Half-Pint,” he greets finally, “Colossus,” You roll your eyes at this._

_“Gee Mr. Logan, wouldn’t it be great if Colossus had a real name, like, Peter, for example,” you joke casually hoking through the cupboard to find your cereal. “Damnit, Jones must have taken it again,” you mutter and Logan calls you._

_“Hey, kid, Storm was saying there’s a new kid arriving today, she could use some help with the welcome wagon,” Logan suggests and you roll your eyes, grab an apple and shoot a two fingered wave at him. “Why am I always on the welcome wagon?” you frown and he grimaces._

_“It must be your cheery disposition. Now go,” he mutters gruffly and you sigh and head through the kitchen wall, venturing down the far end of the school._

_Logan’s eyes fall on Peter’s face, who shifts uncomfortably. Silently, he gestures to the seat beside him, and Peter shakes his head. “I’m fine-”_

_“Sit.”_

_Peter sits, flinching under Logan’s scrutiny. “Logan-” he starts and is interrupted._

_“She’s seventeen.”_

_“There’s nothing going on,” Peter protests and Logan levels his eyes at the younger man._

_“_ She’s seventeen.”

_Peter sighs, slumping in his seat. “I know,” he says miserably._

_“You’re twenty two,” Logan states, and Peter nods._

_“I know,” he repeats._

_“You can’t-”_

_“I_ know, _okay? Whatever it is, I know,” Peter grits out sharply._

_Logan stares at the metal man, clearly uncomfortable and self-loathing. Rasputin was an honourable guy, a man of morals and principles, he wasn’t the sort of punk to stir trouble for no reason or to kick up a scandal. This was clearly tormenting him, but- as Logan well knew- you can’t chose who you love._

_“Is there anything going on?” Logan asks finally, and Peter shakes his head._

_“No, no. Definitely not.”_

_“Good,” the older man states._

_“Yep.”_

_“Because she’s seventeen.”_

_“Jesus, Logan, I get it. I’m not going to try anything. She’s…out of bounds. Off limits, in more ways than one.”_

_Logan takes a sip of his coffee, considering this. “Do you love her?”_

_Peter shifts uncomfortably. “No. Yes. Maybe.” He sighs. “It’s complicated.”_

_Logan grunts. “It always is.”_

_Peter barks out a laugh, looking out the kitchen window where he sees Kitty searching around for Storm. Logan smirks and then turns his attention back to his teammate._

_“Hey, Rasputin,” he starts and the younger man looks at him again. “If you care about her- wait. She’s mature because of what and who she is, but she’s still young. So wait, and see how things pan out.”_

_Peter nods. “I have good intentions. I’m not planning anything, it’s all under control.”_

_“Because it could cost you your career. You’re here on your year’s teacher training, remember. Not just as a student and an X-Man,” Logan reminds him._

_“I know, Logan. Nothing is going to happen.”_

_Logan examines Peter’s face for a second, and apparently approves of what he sees. “Alright,” he grunts. “And Colossus?” The other man acknowledges him and Logan finishes wearily. “For the love of God, wait until she’s legal before you do anything…inappropriate.”_

_Kitty arrives back in the kitchen just in time to see Peter choke on his breakfast._

_It’s Logan who’s in the kitchen the morning after they spend their first night together, the two of you arriving in a similar fashion to how you did all those years ago. Logan, sitting at the table with his coffee, looks between the two of you, and instead of a lecture or threats, the greeting you finally get is_

_“It’s about damn time.”_

 

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this is up a little late but I've been out all day so haven't had the chance to post! Here it, is, enjoy. (Also I'm a little tipsy so if there's any spelling mistakes I'm missing in this I'm very sorry!)   
> Just a disclaimer- there’s a line in Astonishing X-Men of Kitty’s that I absolutely adore- well I love most of them- but this one fitted this scene so well and the story itself, so I had to include it. It’s marked with an *, so I’m not claiming it as mine! Just so you know. :’)   
> Song Recommendation: Pull Me Down by Mikky Ekko (I LOVED this song for this story. Not even sure why but it's just a very good song.)

Chapter Thirteen.

 

 

I want you to know that I've got your back

Even when the whole foundation seems cracked

Two punk kids up against the world

Ya trouble, there goes trouble

We could be king and queen of the moonlight

Two young lovers

And when the moods right

You hear me say 'I want you'

-‘Pull Me Down’ Mikky Ekko

 

_“Dealing with some of those parents are absolutely exhausting, I can’t believe-Katya, what are you doing?” Peter asks, dropping his keys on his sideboard unit and chucking his bag underneath. It’s at times like these you especially love having a boyfriend who is a newly qualified teacher- he feels like he has to dress the part, despite the fact this is where he grew up and currently lives. Despite it being August and the only teacher-y thing he’d had to do was meet with a few parents-most of the students had gone home, and the ones that couldn’t were on a fieldtrip- Peter is wearing a shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a satchel and- wait for it- a waistcoat._

_Yeah. You’re pretty happy with your life right now._

_“Good! You’re back,” you say cheerily, feeling a nervous excitement wash over you._

_“Yes,” he replies slowly, “what have you done?”_

_You frown at him. “So I can only be cheerful when I’ve done something wrong?”_

_“Usually.”_

_“Point taken. But no, I didn’t do anything wrong, calm down,” you roll your eyes._

_“Right,” he replies and strolls into the heart of the room. “So why are you dressed like that?”_

_You take a step back and tug innocently on the black dress you’d gotten earlier in the week. “This old thing?”_

_“Yeah,” Peter replies, his eyes raking up your body to meet yours, “this old thing.”_

_You walk towards him and push him back onto the end of the bed. “Sit,” you command, and he gives you a cheeky grin._

_“Yes ma’am,” he answers. You step back and press a button on the slim remote you have in your hand. A song starts playing from speakers, and you feel yourself start to move to the beat of it slowly. Peter is watching you intently and you start to slip off your heels- when you can’t._

_This is_ not _happening._

_You nudge them to try and get them off, but it isn’t working, the stupid strappy heels are caging your feet in them, and Peter is looking at you amusedly. “You alright there?” he asks and you glare at him._

_“The shoes won’t come off,” you grit out before he laughs and tugs you by the hand to stand closer to him. Peter kneels and knocks your knees apart slightly, his hand supporting your calve as you automatically put your hands on his shoulders to support yourself. He makes swift work of the buckles on your shoes, moving from one leg to another gently, and you feel your breath hitch slightly, and his smirk against the top of your thigh. Your feet firmly on solid ground he quirks a brow up at you. “Better?” he asks, and you swallow._

_“That is possibly the sexiest thing anyone has ever done for me,” you blurt out and he grins at that. Coming round again, you shoo him back onto the bed and step away again, picking up where the tempo left off. You reach back and take out the bobble holding your hair up, shaking your hair out so it falls around your shoulders._

_Peter is watching you closely, knowing what’s happening- a strange version of a striptease, you can’t help but think- but is confused as to where this is going. You take a few well timed steps back- thank God for your dance lessons- and immediately stroll forward, phasing out of your dress, leaving it in a pool on the floor. Peter’s eyes widen and you can’t help but smirk in victory- you’ve been practicing doing this for about a month, wanting to get the timing just right._

_With no one else in the Mansion, it seemed right._

_Peter’s eyes rake over your body, taking in the white lacy slip you’re wearing. You tilt your head to the side, eyebrows raised._

_“You know,” Peter says slowly, “my day just got a whole lot better.”_

_You grin at him, “I thought so.”_

_“But I’m confused, I thought we were waiting,” he says carefully, and you shrug. The waiting was Peter’s idea- not that he didn’t want to, he wanted to be sure that you wanted this. That you wanted him. That the age-gap wasn’t too much, that this wouldn’t make your friendship weird, that you were ready. It’s not your first time- that boat sailed with a short-term boyfriend in your first year- but it’s sweet that Peter is so concerned about your first time together._

_“We were,” you reply, “but what were we waiting for? Everything is so fragile. "Everything is so fragile. There is so much conflict, so much pain. You keep waiting for the dust to settle,” you shrug, “and then you realise- this is it; the dust is your life going on. So if happy comes along- that weird, unbearable delight that’s actual happy,” you laugh and stroke his face and he smiles softly, “I think you have to grab it while you can. You take what you can get, because it’s here, and then….gone.”*_

_  
Peter is quiet for a moment before placing his hand over yours. “That…makes sense,” he says earnestly, and it does. With everything that happens to you as X-Men, happiness is such a fleeting and fragile thing. There’s little point in waiting for it, or waiting for the right time or the perfect moment- it’s the here and now. “Someone’s feeling philosophical,” he comments, and you give a half shrug. “I’ve had some time to think. No assignments, and all that.”_

_“Clearly,” he replies, and flicks his eyes down your body. “So this is a new trick,” he says casually and you tug at the edge of your slip, his hand following suit._

_“Yeah, it’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it,” you comment and give him a sly smile. “You like it?”_

_Peter swallows and nods. “Yeah, I do. You know,” he concedes, “I’m still kind of confused,”_

_You take a step back and phase out of the slip, leaving you in just your underwear. Your boyfriend’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “But I’m no longer tired.”_

_(It turned out you didn’t need to use your powers to get out of your underwear- Peter made short work of that.)_

 

X.x.X

Rogue dresses you up, fixes you up, and makes you into someone you’re not. Someone brave, someone mature, someone sexy. Your waves are sleek, your lips are red and the black dress Rogue all but shoved you into is classic, but fits you like a glove. After a moment’s hesitation you grab a necklace from the dresser- it doesn’t overly match your outfit, but you couldn’t leave it behind. She fixes your hair and shoos you to where she knows Peter will be- outside the southeast corner by the treeline, sketching the school. How she knows this you’re not sure, but Rogue seems to know everything and right now you’re in desperate need of someone sure of themselves.

She gives your hand a final squeeze- no gloves, you don’t think you’ll ever be over it- before she heads off to talk public relations with Hank. Taking a deep breath, you stride over to him. Peter is examining the school, his hand moving swiftly across his sketchbook. The sight is familiar- Peter was never without ink stains on his hands, they could create as much as they could destroy- but it doesn’t set you at ease. Clearly the sight of you doesn’t do much for him either, as he barely looks at you as you approach. He then looks at you impassively before snapping his sketchbook shut and standing.

You hurry towards him in these stupid wedges- why were such impractical shoes ever invented- and manage to block him off. “Please wait.”

“I have somewhere to be.”

“Just- just hold on one second,” you protest, struggling to keep up with him.

“I need to be somewhere,” he grits out and you halt.

“Where? Hating- Katherine-Pryde-land? Because that’s great and all, but can that happen beside me for just a minute?”

Peter doesn’t answer you, nor does he stop. As he strides away from you, you make a last ditch attempt. “Question twenty three!” you yell, and that stops him. “Yeah, that’s right, you heard me. I have a question, you have to answer it.” His pause gives you time to close the gap slightly to ask.

“Can you love me?”

Peter comes to a complete stand still. “What?” he asks tightly.

You clear your throat, gather your courage and repeat the question. “Can you love me?” 

You explain yourself, knowing if you don’t he’ll leave and you’ll lose him forever. “I know- I know I’m not her. I’m not Katya. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever will be, or can be.” You steel yourself determinedly. “But I swear to you I’m going to try and make it here. This is my life now. My friends are here, my family is here, and my home is here. I’m a teacher. I got what I always wanted. And for so long it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t what I’d had, it wasn’t good enough. And I’m so sorry for the way I’ve used and treated you, it wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right, no matter how I felt about you or how you felt about me. I do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, act the wrong way and I’m sorry. I know I don’t deserve a chance, but I want to let you know- I’m here and I’m fighting to stay. You mean a lot to me, but I- I need to know if you have it in you to love me. Someday. This me, this selfish and uncontrollable me. I’ll fight- I’ll fight for you. But only if you want me too.”

Peter whirls on you. “Is this you?” he gestures to your outfit.

“I-” you stammer and he cuts you off.

“No, tell me. Is this the new you? The high shoes and the big hair and the tight dress?”

You look down self-consciously, slipping out of the shoes and feeling the grass between your toes. “Don’t you like it?” you ask quietly, and he rolls his eyes frustrated.

“Of course I like it, I have eyes.”

You shake your head, confused. “Then what-”

“The fact that you feel I need this to love you and be attracted to you is ridiculously and quite frankly insulting, Kitty. I don’t need the big hair and the makeup and the dress if you don’t. I’d love you just as much in a jeans or a bin bag. I don’t need any of those things, Kitty,” he exclaims. “I need you. I should hate you. I should. You took her away from me. But I can’t find it in me, because you’re just as much a victim here as I am. So,” he finishes finally, gathering his art supplies. “To answer your question. Yes. Yes I could love you,” he admits, and looks you in the eyes. “But I can’t trust you.”

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh I'm so sorry guys! I got really waylaid with uni and haven't been on my laptop to post the last two chapters! Really sorry. I'll also be posting an extra chapter which is a 'behind the scenes' at the end of this story. Anyway I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Song Recommendation: Heart Like Yours by Willamette Stone.

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

X.x.X

 

 **How could a heart like yours**  
Ever love a heart like mine?  
How could I live before?  
How could I have been so blind?  
  
You opened up my eyes  
You opened up my eyes

**-‘Heart Like Yours’, Willamette Stone.**

 

You’re in your room tidying some bits away- one thing you didn’t miss, laundry- when you feel a rising paranoia settle over you, an uncomfortableness that you can’t shake. You grimace and press your hand to your side- the lacerations nearly healed. You hadn’t felt any pain from it in weeks, but a dull ache was starting to form.

You straighten and shake your head, unsure of yourself. You’re putting something in the dresser when you’re rocked by a sense of dread that takes your breath away, and you stumble, catching yourself on the dresser so you don’t fall.

They’re coming, they’re coming.

I think they’re gone.

Footsteps.

“No,” you whisper and take off like a shot out of the room and down the hall. You’re relying on your feet knowing the way, leading you out of here, leading you to him. You’re not even sure where he is but you have to get to him, you have to help him and save him because _they’re coming,_ you can hear them and your heart is pounding and you’re going as fast as you can, the noise of them pushing you further as you hear his agonised screams.

Part of you knows it’s not real, the sentinels aren’t coming and you’re all safe in the mansion. But most of you is screaming to run, to run to him and save him because he’s in the firing line, they’ll tear him apart and kill him and part of you will die too. It was and is real to you, so you push yourself to go even faster before it’s too late.

You only stop when you hear more agonised screams- Bobby. Peter. Bobby. Peter. The sentinels. You can’t help both of them, you can’t save both of them.

Without another seconds thought- not that you really ever did- you keep heading the way you were going.

You phase through floors and doors and you don’t stop in-case it might be too late, and without a pause you run through twenty solid feet of metal, every fibre in your phasing body straining, and with a final cry you’re in the war zone.

The world is on fire.

The streets are filled with it. There is rubble and half demolished buildings everywhere, and you hear people crying and screaming but you push on because they’re close, you can feel it. You feel the dread pooling in your stomach and the adrenaline pumping through your veins, the fear you won’t find him, you won’t get to him in time racing through your mind.

You’re running over a hill when you see him, he’s just taken one of the sentinels out but you don’t stop as another has teleported in behind him, your determination making your bounds longer, stronger, and it’s reaching out its deformed, spiked hand to stab him in the back, and you scream “no!” as you throw yourself in front of Peter just as he turns around. You wait for the death blow to come but it doesn’t, instead the world of fire snaps into a plain one of chrome and metal, the words ‘simulation terminated’ blaring overhead. As the Danger Room rectifies itself you drop to your hands and knees, panting.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Peter is at your side instantly, his cool façade wiped away to show genuine concern. He kneels beside you, his hand at your back, his eyes sweeping over your face and body, assessing the damage and trying to figure out what had happened. You can’t help but be irritated- you’re fine, it’s him you’re worried about.

“You- you’re alright?” you gasp out, pushing up to your knees to examine him. “You’re okay? They didn’t hurt you?” you ask frantically.

He shakes his head quickly, steadying you. “No, look, I’m fine. See? I was just trying to keep my strength up, I don’t want to fall behind in training because of my injury. What happened?” he asks, confused, then understanding dawning in his eyes. “Sentinels. Oh, Kitty, I’m so sorry.”

You stagger to your feet, still catching your breath. “I- you- you’re okay,” you realise finally and he nods, a furrow in his brow. “Kitty, I’m fi-oof!” he exclaims, just about catching you as you fling yourself at him, your arms wrapped around his waist tightly.

“Thank God,” you whisper as you bury your face into his chest, and after a second he reciprocates. After holding you for a few seconds so you can catch your breath and reassess, Peter speaks. “Can you please explain what this is all about? Where did you even come from?”

You sigh and shift, answering uncomfortably. “The wall.”

“The- the wall? The 30ft of solid metal? You came through there?” he asks, astonished.

“Huh. I’d judged it about 20ft, I guess I was going too fast to notice. But-yeah.” You even surprised yourself. The Danger Room walls were supposed to withstand invasions, attacks and bombs, and were pretty darn hard to get through even if you phased. 

Peter stares at you for a second. “Why?” he asks finally, and your eyes flutter closed.

“Because they were going to kill you,” you reply quietly. You pace away from him, agitated. “The Sentinels were coming and you were going to be in the first line of fire, and I felt it, I felt them come for you. You were fighting them, you were trying, and there might not have been any going back this time, if Logan didn’t fix it,” you explain distantly. “You were fighting, but-but there were too many, and they were mutating. They overpowered you,” your eyes fill up with tears as you try to continue, “and they tore you in half. I was- I was coming to help, I had to do something, and then I felt Bobby die too, but I couldn’t leave you, I couldn’t. I- I had to try and _do_ something I had to help you,” you sob desperately, the pain of losing him still raw. It felt like being torn in two, your soul ripped away from you. Peter embraces you again, comforting you, stroking your hair.

“I’m fine, Katya. I’m right here. The sentinels don’t exist here, not on record anyway. This was just an old simulation that hadn’t been used in a while, they weren’t real. It had been updated-”

“Yeah,” you interrupt sheepishly, “I may have updated it for Logan,” you admit guiltily. “We deal differently.” You shake your head against his chest, finishing, “it’s not important.” You’re in silence for a moment, before Peter voices something that had clearly occurred to him.

“You choose to save me over Bobby?” he asks you quietly once you’ve calmed down and you nod.

“It felt like dying, Peter, losing you. I felt it. I couldn’t- I couldn’t do that again. Never again,” you say determinedly. Peter pulls away from you, noticing the necklace around your neck.

“Where did you get this?” he asks roughly.

“It was on my jewellery box on my dresser,” you reply slowly, “I just- I felt like I needed it. Like it would help.”

Peter nods to it. “You wore it the day out in the grounds too.”

“I didn’t think you’d notice it, you barely looked at me.”

“Of course I noticed it,” he replies evenly, “I made it for you. It was my first year anniversary present for you.”

You glance up at him, biting your lip. “I felt like it could maybe lend me some strength.”

Peter smiles crookedly. “You always had plenty of that.” After a hesitant pause, he speaks again. “Question 24,” he asks finally, pulling you towards him. “Do you love me?” he asks, his face hopeful and hopeless and worried and assured.

In answer, you reach up and take his face in your hands. “I have lost you so many times, Piotr. And yet I need you like I need oxygen to breathe. I was a fool before,” you whisper, “but I can’t lose you again. _I love you,_ Piotr Rasputin.”

Needing no further confirmation, he sweeps you up into his arms, “ _Katya,_ ” he whispers your name reverently, like a prayer, “I have waited a long time for you to come back to me. Welcome home,” he breathes, before the new beginning is sealed with a kiss.

It can never go back to exactly the way things were. You’re both too different now. But after everything-

You can build a new future. Together.

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the epilogue guys! I'll post some 'behind the scenes' on here as well. :) I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think. :)
> 
> Song Recommendation: Love Like Fools by Lauren Aquilina.

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN-EPILOGUE**

X.x.X

 

 **What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?**  
And all we have we lose?  
I don't want you to go but I want you so  
So tell me what  
Tell me what  
Tell me what we choose.

**-‘Love Like Fools’, Lauren Aquilina.**

 

Spring arrives quicker than expected at the mansion, bringing new beginnings with it.

Occasionally it’s hard, living two lives, but most of the time the future that never happened is little more than dreams that cause you to wake up crying or screaming, and when the nightmares take you, Peter is there to bring you back.

What had started out as a joke about sunglasses and a necklace with a familiar sense of comfort developed into memories of where your first date was (A little sushi place in a nearby city, Peter’s idea-he ate his wasabi thinking it was guacamole. That part he said he’d rather you’d forgotten), fights you had and battles you’d won, and you’re no longer tormented by a lack of memories that tie you to this future.

Charles had offered to help you forget- to block any memories of the other future. It was a tempting offer and you had considered it, but ultimately you said no. You could handle this, and you were meant to have memories from both futures for a reason- and nothing good ever comes out of meddling with the mind.

You had went to pick your parents up in the X-Jet to take them to the mansion for a weekend. You hadn’t seen them in so long, and being an X-Men member came with perks- not having to fly commercial.

You’re taking your parents up the steps to the mansion and are through the door with them when you notice there’s a bigger crowd of people at the mansion than usual. Figuring it is just the a lot of parents came to visit this weekend, you shrug it off and stow away your parents bags and The Professor- having sensed the new arrivals- wheels into the foyer to greet them. “Mr and Mrs Pryde, how lovely to see you again. It’s been too long.”

Your mum smiles and says earnestly, “Yes it has, but Katherine has just been so busy teaching and trying to find her feet, we felt it was best not to intrude.”

You catch the Professor’s eye and can’t help but think- they don’t know the half of it.

Loud, familiar footsteps tread down the stairs quickly and you can’t help but grin as Peter joins the group, greeting your parents warmly, earning a hug from your mother and a clap on the back from your father. He finally gets to you, an arm settling round your waist as he gives you a sweet kiss and says “Hi.”

“Hi,” you reply, and Charles offers to take to your parents to get some refreshments.

As they leave, you strain your neck to look at Peter. “Refreshments? Why is it so busy? Am I missing something?”

“It’s a party,” a voice calls from the doorway of the sitting room and you turn quickly to spot Jones.

“Jones?” you spring towards him, tugging him down into a hug. “What are you doing here? I thought college didn’t finish for another few weeks?”

After prising you off him, he shrugs nonchalantly. “It doesn’t, but I figured a weekend wouldn’t hurt. Plus, like I said- there’s a party.”

You furrow your brow, confused. “A party? That’s why everyone is here?” Jones nods, and you hit him on the shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me, why didn’t anyone tell me? What’s the party for anyway?”

Jones shifts on his feet, grinning. “It’s an engagement party.”          

You feel your eyes widen. “An engagement party? Who is engaged?” You shift your gaze back to Peter, who is standing a distance behind you. “Is it Bobby and Rogue?” you ask him, and he shakes his head.

“Already engaged,” he replies, and you incline your head.

“Shoot, you’re right. I always forget that. Is it Hank and Mys-I mean Raven?” you correct yourself, turning your full attention back to Jones.

“Nah,” he replies, “Hank still hasn’t fully settled her down yet. I guess they aren’t ready.”

You furrow your brow in confusion, shaking your head. “Well then I don’t know. Who is the engagement party for?” you ask your friend, who slips his gaze to behind you, where you hear a cough.

You freeze, your eyes widening. Jones winks at you before slipping away. Slowly you turn to look at Peter, your eyes going down to find him on one knee in front of you, holding a ring out towards you.

“Katherine Pryde,” he starts, “you are the most stubborn, indecisive and infuriating person I’ve ever met. You never make your side of the bed and you pack a surprisingly hard punch for someone your size. You’re irritable and bossy and frankly I feel like I can’t talk to you before you have a cup of coffee in the morning,” he grins, pulling you towards him, “and I am deeply, deeply in love with you. You make me a better person, you make me loosen up, and you make me enjoy life. And I want to enjoy life with you every day for the rest of our lives as husband and wife.”

“You’re a presumptuous bastard, you know that, right?” you quip teary eyed and he nods at that.

“Yeah, this party might have been a little forward of me, but I was working that one out. Roughly, all together in _all_ the time I’ve been in love with you, you’ve already kept me waiting about twenty years, roughly,” he says, “and that’s a long time for a man to wait. I’ve been walking around with this ring in my pocket for over half a year, waiting for the right time to ask,” he states, shrugging. “Well there’s no time like the present.”

Your shaking hand covers your mouth and you’re speechless for the first time in a long time.

“So,” he concludes diplomatically, “Katya. Question 25,” he levels his eyes with yours, his hand outstretched, his face earnest. “Will you marry me?”

You nod quickly, a grin stretching your face as you find your words. “Yes. Yes! I’ll marry you!” you exclaim, laughing. The ring fits perfectly on your finger and Peter stands, sweeping you into his arms, dipping you and kissing you, smiling against your lips. As you stand upright and nuzzle into his chest, he calls out “you can come out now, she said yes!” and you’re flooded with students and X-Men and family and friends alike. Everyone was here for you and Peter after all.

 A few hours later as the party was in full swing, Peter pulls you aside, down a corridor and to the kitchen. He stops you at the door. “Kitty, there’s someone you should meet,” he states, sweeping open the door to reveal a girl with black and pink hair in a long, intricate braid that makes your heart stop. “Katya, meet Clarice Ferguson.”

Your heart in your mouth, you swallow hard, tears threatening to burn your eyes. “Welcome, Clarice,” you say with a massive smile, your heart so full you feel it could burst. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Hi,” Blink says apologetically, “I’m so sorry I arrived in the middle of this party, I didn’t mean to intrude. It’s just I was told to arrive quickly, and, well- I can arrive pretty sharp.”

You shake your head quickly. “No, no, no. Not a problem at all. This is your home now. I look forward to getting to know you,” you reply with a smile, giving Peter’s hand a squeeze, trying to convey all the ‘thank you’s’ and the ‘I love you’s’ you can’t currently say. Peter strokes your hand with his thumb, and hold up a glass. “To the new future,” he toasts, and you reply in kind.

“To the new future,” you echo, thinking it looks very bright indeed.

**T H E   E N D .**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some behind the scenes facts! 
> 
> 1\. When researching the height and weights of the characters for Peter and Kitty’s fight scene, I went by the actor’s statistics. Daniel Cudmore- according to the internet- is 5”8. I nearly choked on my tea.   
> 2\. The first scene in the first chapter was based off part of the first X-Men comic I ever read: Astonishing X-Men #13. (The phasing through the floor naked.) My poor, innocent child self thought that Kitty had had a nightmare or something and was so surprised she phased. Looking back on it and re-reading that scene makes me realise I was a really innocent kid and I probably shouldn’t have been reading it aged 8.  
> 3\. Kitty and Rogue being roommates as teenagers came from X-Men: Evolution.  
> 4\. Rogue is in Public Relations because I didn’t see her as a teacher, and I didn’t know whether to have it that the cure was only temporary so she could be an X-Men again. So Rogue is still cured and an invaluable part of mutantkind- working on their public image to help make them more accepted.  
> 5\. There will be a story in the same universe to do with Hank and Raven on here at some point- a reference will be made in the epilogue- due to a deleted scene/idea from the movie in which Raven was at the Institute teaching biology with Hank.  
> 6\. References were made to both X-Men: Evolution and Astonishing X-Men in the scene where Kitty phased the school so the bullets would pass through- her trying and failing to phase objects that large came from when she tried to phase a train through another, and the line about her getting stuck inside the missile was a dig at Kitty being phased-fused with the bullet (thought to be a missile) in Astonishing X-Men.  
> 7\. The temptation was real to have it that the Avengers helped the mutants when they were in New York during the Sentinel attacks- and have it that Natasha Romanoff helped Kitty learn how to fight like that. The temptation. Was. Real.  
> 8\. In the first draft, Kitty was pregnant at the time Logan injured her- the child was Bobby’s from the bad future, but it was lost due to the injury, and Jean had discovered the pregnancy when examining her- didn’t serve a cause so that plot-point was dropped.   
> 9\. The friendship of Logan and Kitty comes from X-Men: Evolution for him being protective over her, and from the comic ‘Kitty and The Wolverine’ of their mutual respect of one another.   
> 10\. This story was a way to give another side to Kitty Pryde. Kitty in the comics is righteous, good and loyal. Whilst some may argue she’s a Mary-Sue, I disagree. I find it refreshing that you have a character who is good and stays good and true, and can still stay true to themselves and get shit done. However I wanted to play around with a dark Kitty, not knowing who she is or what she’s capable of. She’s stubborn and emotional and irrational and careless, and I wanted to show these traits. I wanted to make her a character who gave you conflicting emotions, who you weren’t sure if you liked or not, because I wanted to make her real. And I hope I portrayed that.


End file.
